Enough is enough! If I have to read about another bogus curves celebration (Q: Have you ever been invited to a party in honour of someone's arse? Thought not) I will punch my laptop, and that HURTS. I've begun a list of words and phrases which should be retired from celebrity coverage.

Over my years in the industry, I've noticed that the baby-related-headline count spikes at Christmas. Is it a sentimentality thing? Is it a Baby Jesus thing? Who knows. It's creepy, anyhow.

Oh, how the world hated it when sad, lonely, singleton Jennifer Aniston hooked up with a stinky boy.

Lovers and spouses come and go, but a celebrity's relationship with a manager, publicist or creative director is supposed to be sacrosanct. This week, we're sending out the sympathy cards and tubs of Ben & Jerry's to Lady Gaga and her creative director Laurieann Gibson, whose split seems to be going the acrimonious way.

As every magazine editor knows, if you combine a life crisis - and they don't come much better than a sham divorce coupled with the potential ruin of your media empire - with potential weight loss or weight gain, you've got headline GOLD.

Much as we respect Jennifer Lopez for her services to the perfume industry (Joke! All her fragrances ming!) we cannot conceal our bemusement at this week's events.

Hilary Swank, we know whose party you went to last weekend. And you are GROUNDED, young lady. Okay, so Hilary isn't really grounded, but the internet is very, very angry with her. On October 5th the Million Dollar Baby actress attended a massive birthday bash for Ramzan Kadyrov, the Chechen President accused of human rights violations.

Michelle Obama! Your long wait for fame and recognition might be over. On a recent episode of Daybreak, Veteran neurotic and film director Woody Allen revealed that he's not averse to offering the First Lady her big break.

A lesson beautifully illustrated by Rihanna in the November issue of British Vogue, in whose glossy pages the singer reveals both airbrushed clavicles and a fondness for the word 'c---'. Not a bad choice for your favourite expletive, but there was one problem: she had no idea it was offensive.