In short, I was an idiot. And three years on - sat on the same sofa while my kids take a rare nap at the same time - I can't help but wish someone had taken me aside to explain a few home truths. Granted, I probably wouldn't have listened. But here's what I wish I could go back and tell that new mum on the sofa...
Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how cute he's being) I had my son during my second year of university and while he may have saved my liver from another two years of cocktails served in pitchers, I was immediately ostracised from my old social life and the majority of my 'friends' disappeared.
One thing that was not lost amongst the milk hazed chaos was how at certain points during those first intrepid weeks, me and my post baby self could have done with a list of new mum home truths that cut through the inertia of new mum bullshit and instead brought me and my over active worries back down to reality.
More and more, I believe parenting experts and childcare gurus are a scourge on modern mums, with a combination of one-size-fits all, conflicting advice that creates expectations that we - and certainly our babies - can never live up to. This leads to guilt, anxiety or, in my case, even depression as I felt I was failing at the most important job I have ever done.