Do you want my alternative, semi-serious take on the Nick vs Nigel clash over Europe, Ed Miliband's 'weirdness' and Kermit the Frog's opposition to Scottish independence? Here's the political week in 60 seconds.
With politicians having precisely nothing to do but prepare for an election, Nick Clegg, the future former Deputy Prime Minister, and Nigel Farage, the UK's biggest insignificance, debated the EU on Wednesday night...
The victims of this are the Cleggs of this world. The kind of person who uploads an apology video to YouTube after breaking a promise, is no longer in any way relatable. He claims to be acting in our best interest; he might even believe that he is. But, in a cynical world where it is more honest to be the dishonest man, the Cleggs must be suppressed.
It can sometimes stick in the throat to hear these politicians eulogising about "honour" when they seem so short of it themselves... Nick Clegg praised Tony Benn for being a "fervent defender of what he believed in", seemingly forgetting his own paltry commitment to defend students from a hike in tuition fees.
As we draw closer to the European elections on 22 May, more and more business leaders are speaking out in favour of Britain's membership of the European Union. Not a day seems to go by without another major employer warning of the risks for Britain's jobs and economy of a potential EU exit.
The best thing to come out of the debate tonight for Clegg would be to not sound like the wet fish he normally does. And if he asks the questions that Mehdi Hasan has suggested, he may as well just give up now.
We've learnt a lot since the prospect of fracking for shale gas first reared its head in the UK. One thing hasn't changed though - fracking remains incompatible with building the kind of green energy future we need to avert the very worst climate change.
The deputy prime minister may be the underdog going into his live clash with the Ukip leader on the European Union, but he has proved himself handy at TV debates. Farage, on the other hand, claims not have prepared for these bouts - and is pretty poor when it comes to dealing with the detail.
'Britain' is increasingly evaporating as a concept. It's no longer a set of coherent ideals inhabited by tangible institutions and characters. Instead it's become more of a marketing device filled with vapid catch-all phrases.
One of the bugbears of being a politician is the risk that a controversy might erupt at any time about things that have little or no direct connection with their day-to-day work. Recently David Cameron has been criticised for surrounding himself with alumni of his own school, Eton, who (so the charge runs) cannot understand the day-to-day lives of normal people. Other stories down the years have concerned politicians' finances, sexual affairs, family connections and youthful indiscretions. What really irritates voters? YouGov set out to find out in a survey...
Politicians don't 'do' sorry. With the exception of Nick Clegg, who can say sorry with some considerable style and start memes with equal aplomb, most politicians would rather engage in various forms of linguistic gymnastics rather than let the actual word 'sorry' escape from their lips.
The government is unable to admit that there are different kinds of immigration: immigration that works for Britain and immigration that doesn't. For example, in his first speech, the new Immigration Minister James Brokenshire didn't seem to differentiate between a highly-skilled engineer coming to work in the UK, or postgraduate students carrying out research and low skilled migration.
This is an important issue, which we need to examine, and which affects the lives of almost everyone in the country. Are we comfortable with the way in which our personal data is collected, and who has access to it? How much does our right to privacy matter, in an age where we share photos and personal details online with so much abandon? What is the balance that needs to be struck between security and liberty?
Do you want my alternative take on the ongoing crisis in Ukraine; David Cameron on the phone; Nick Clegg vs Nigel Farage; and the selfie that broke Twitter? Would you like to see me attempt some Putin-esque chin-ups on camera, despite being totally unfit? Here's the political week in 60 seconds.
This Saturday I will speak at a Lib Dem Conference fringe meeting, for the first time since my resignation was demanded by the Lib Dem President Navnit Dholakia...
The debate around striking the balance between security and privacy may still be in its infancy, with secrecy a well-worn habit when it comes to our security agencies. Yet it is not abundantly clear that if we do not, as the US and other countries now accept is essential, bring our legal framework and oversight mechanisms in line with the expansive surveillance made possible by modern technology, our economy our privacy and our security will all suffer.