"Look my darling, I'm 90 years old. These musicians come here, and they play old things, always old. I don't want to look back anymore. We're alive NOW. So play me something totally new. Play some pop. Like Adele, but not so miserable."
When discussing my O2 woes with a friend this week, he said to me, "I have never had a problem with O2, until I wanted to try and end my contract. Spent about two hours a day for a week on hold. Was a joke. In the end I gave up, so I guess they won."
Even though I was useless, the adrenalin rush (when Tallulah eventually did break into a canter) was incomparable. Seriously, imagine mastering a sport where it's not *just* your skill, but it's coupled with persuading a wayward quadruped into taking part too. And it's REALLY FAST. Magic.
Everyone is aware that the Italy game wasn't the performance we were aiming for, and I'm sure people could see that by the looks on our faces at the end of the game. It was a tough day at the office but we must give credit to Italy as they played out of their skins.
During the match I'll be on hand if any jerseys are ripped or bloodied. I tend to be up and down at least 20 times, so you don't really take in everything that happens on the pitch. I'll generally watch the recording the day after the match so see exactly how the team played!
As a nation, we need to address our digital skills deficit by giving young people the opportunity to grow their confidence and capitalise on their digital skills and knowledge. Only then will we build a workforce fit for the future, and see young people, business and the British economy thrive.
Ahead of the game against France at the weekend, England and Harlequins winger Mike Brown, 27, gave me his views on the game, the possibilities of an England Grand Slam, his chances of Lions selection and missing Quins tilt for the title.