My date has just got back from New York. I know this because he mentions it every five sentences. The shimmering neon is still visible in his starstruck eyes, and has blinded him to the fact that my own glazed over some time ago. My eye wandering over his shoulder to someone standing in the distance. That someone looks familiar. Hotly familiar.
Your relationship has ended. You suffer through all that comes along with a breakup--the tears, the eating your feelings. Then perhaps you've accepted a date invitation with that cute guy from the gym. And just like clockwork, as if they can smell the scent of you getting over them, your ex asks if you can meet for coffee.
Online dating is like a takeaway menu for the chronically obese ( and I don't mean to offend with that statement because there is most probably an online dating site for the 'chronically obese'). What I mean is that the choice and possibilities are endless. You could have Asian on a Monday, 'Suited & Booted' on a Tuesday, Naughty Nurses on a Wednesday and 'Big and Buxom' by Thursday.
One of the many things they forget to tell you when you try online dating is that you have to pick a 'name' for yourself - a handle for your profile. Yes, not only do you have to fret about whether your pictures make you look pretty or the quality of your babbling blurb, you also have the added trauma of coming up with a profile name.
1. "So having weighed up all the evidence and considering the fact that I was quite drunk at the time and I didn't technically put it all the way in, do you think my ex was right to say that it was cheating?" 2. "What do you think of the coalition government?" 3. "I have been on soooo many dates this week..."
I thrive on flirtation on dates; it's the plutonium I need to get me to the end of the night. From him, however, there is none. Usually I'd put this down to nervousness or shyness, but that's not the case here. He exudes a kind of bland confidence; he's not brash or assertive, just, well, a bit boring.
Punctuality is the politeness of kings, my grandmother always used to say, and while I'm not particularly regal, I do believe the least you can do on a date is get there on time. 'Fashionably late' is a flawed, dangerous concept. One man's height of style is another's fashion faux-pas. You mustn't leave anything to chance.