I am jolted out of my reasoning when one of them uses me as a springboard. All I can feel is feet pressing down on my hidden bits as he pushes himself off me, leaving me with a mouthful of chlorine as the splash hits.
Most of us probably feel we should do something to mark the date of Valentine's; indulge or revive a little romantic feeling with our significant others or just use it as an excuse to send the children anonymous Valentine's (from Prince George or just the dog - either way it can be fun).
Where does being human, having your physical, mental and emotional needs met rank in your infinite to-do list? How do we create a structure where these are prioritised? Who should come first?
What's your parenting type? Are you Grumpy Mum? Angel Dad? Touchy, Spirited or Textbook? Or are you - like me - 'Split Personality?' The Baby Whisperer, Gina Ford and Annabel Karmel were my gurus throughout the early weeks and months of our eldest daughter's life.
Milestones are there as a guideline as to what your child should be doing, but can be a bit misleading too as we are told 'every child is individual' and 'they'll get there in their own time' still we can't help but panic and wonder about the 'unknown' or 'what if'.
Maternal amnesia is a wonderful thing. I'd forgotten all about tantrums. Even convinced myself that my first two children had sailed peacefully through their twos. Until this morning, when my third baby had his first proper tantrum. And it all came flooding back.
Mozambique experienced a lot of unrest. Millions of guns and weapons entered the country and therefore the TAE project was set up to eliminate the threat of those hidden and missing weapons.
We were told that he had a hole in his heart which was dangerously close to a valve and that there was a chance the hole would close as he grew, but that we should come in for scans every 3 months.
As a Mum of three, I wanted to take this opportunity to share with you some of the things that I wish had been shared with me, as our family grew from one to two children. I've got a lot to say about the upping the ante from two to three, but that's another letter.
I'm annoyed that in this day and age, there are still children out there that have to watch helplessly as their relationship with their father is disrupted, interfered with or even permanently severed just because someone is angry, resentful and vengeful.
I like my own company and time by myself. But that's not always possible with children knocking around (dear, sweet children that they are). Oh, but it IS possible, thanks to the wonderful human beings that are... grandmothers.
When toddler starts playing with seat and inevitably hits himself in the mouth, stifle his roar with a packet of chocolate sweets. Ignore dagger looks from sibling who keeps saying "Mum, mum - why did he get sweets?" and can no longer follow the film because all she can think about is sweets and unfairness.
Many a meal and tantrum later we together came to a conclusion that will come as no surprise to most parents. As one fed-up family put it: "these restaurants would go out of business if they treated their grown-up guests the same."
You will have been warned about the sleep deprivation and have stocked your freezer full of food in preparation for the big arrival. But some things are left for you to discover on your own, after your've given birth.
As we move into the all-important 100-day run-up to the UK's 2015 General Election saddled by people's declining propensity to vote, is it really possible to get children interested enough in elections to ensure they become future voters?
Telling the children is the part that many parents fear the most. The last thing that they want to do is hurt their children and it's a really difficult conversation to have as the consequences are life changing for the whole family. However there are some guidelines that will make it a little easier if you follow them.