When he arrived on these shores and made an impressive debut in West Ham's opening day 2-0 victory at Arsenal, it would have been entirely acceptable for any self-effacing football fan to conclude that he was 22 or 23, given his voracious appetite for the game.
United are the best story in the country for people who like their stories to come with a side order of not having a clue whether what they're reading is actually true. It's football news on the edge. Well, on the edge of losing all credibility, at least.
Gegenpress. Like a pop star turning up to a school disco, it took the Premier League by storm. No longer had the beautiful, eloquent idea of tiki-taka graced the world of football, than had it been swept aside by its violent, aggressive cousin.
No Champions League football equals a disastrous hit on revenue, which means less money to spend on players, which means increasing likelihood of another dull season to follow, and the decline picks up momentum. It's a cycle that needs breaking and pronto. Just ask Leeds or Nottingham Forrest. No club is immune from tumbling down the ladder.
Liverpool won't go down this season. But unless something changes at Anfield pretty soon, fans and players alike are going to have to start looking over their shoulders - and they won't like what they see.
It's difficult not to feel sorry for Pellegrini. The Chilean has always conducted himself with the utmost professionalism and courtesy, overseeing some of the most thrilling football the Premier League has ever seen. Yet, he's always been pacing the managerial corridor of uncertainty, his future dictated by the deeds of another coach...
The January transfer window can make a club's season if they get it right, or break it if they get it wrong. The rumours are flying around and there are always players linked with your club that make you feel uneasy.
Louis van Gaal has endured more than his fair share of criticism since taking over at Manchester United in the summer of 2014. He's been accused of all sorts of things and oversaw a terrible run of results at the end of 2014. But above all else, what he's achieved is steady progress. It may not seem obvious, but it is there.
Look, it's the New Year, it's that time of year to make some wild predictions and spend the next 12 months trying desperately to justify them, before giving up and trying to hide them by the time it gets to November and December. Then you go and do it all again in January. It's basically tradition... In that spirit, here's a nice, clear prediction that's next-to impossible to weasel out of: Chelsea will finish 2016 at the top of the Premier League table.
Sure, the trophy will sit in Arsenal's dusty trophy cabinet for a year and fans will get 'Champions 16' on the back of their replica shirts, but next season, unless they bring in a centre back, holding midfielder and striker at least, they will slump back to their more familiar fourth place. That is, unless the other top sides fail to turn up once again.
Jose Mourinho is the name on everyone's lips at this moment in time after his recent sacking at Chelsea. After United were beaten by Norwich, a few excitable individuals managed to convince themselves that Mourinho would be in charge at Old Trafford by the time Chelsea visit on 28 December.
How are we supposed to know it's Christmas if the air isn't thick with the cries and wails of Arsenal fans cursing Arsene Wenger's transfer policy, their injury issues and lack of a goalscoring striker? It's inconsiderate, frankly. You can't get into the Christmas spirit unless you know there are Arsenal fans out there drowning their sorrows in Christmas spirits.
After going 1-0 down to a hotly controversial Nathan Ake strike in the second minute at Vicarage Road, Liverpool failed to muster up any kind of decisive response. They were weak, sluggish and bereft of ideas as Troy Deeney and Odion Ighalo mercilessly bullied Klopp's back-line.
Just in case you've missed the fall out that's come alongside Manchester United's gradual, slow, boring grind to mediocrity, it's worth a reminder that former striker Javier Hernandez is scoring for fun in the Bundesliga with Bayer Leverkusen.
If results don't go their way in that forbidding quartet of games, Watford could conceivably plummet back down to a relegation-threatened position in the table, but you can be rest assured that they will leave no stone unturned in their preparation for a hectic few weeks.
It's been fairly easy to tell when there's a transfer window coming up over the last year or two - just keep an eye out for the slew of people crawling out of the woodwork to have a go at Emmanuel Adebayor. The Togolese striker should, by rights, be one of the top free agents that Premier League teams are looking to pick up this January...