In our case, we have some neighbours who dug up their garden when we least expected it and thus dislodged a family of rats. Who could blame the refugees for scampering along the nearest branch available, straight into the cosy loft of the new family next door?
All is not lost however, despite English men being in short supply, mercifully, with London being the diverse mixing pot that it is, there is a welcome supply of Europeans relocating to the capital. Great for our economy, and more importantly, great for my sex life.
Real life is, at times, boring, censored and totally predictable. I'm surprisingly okay with that, but it seems that most women aren't. If you're a woman reading this right now, chances are high that you've read Fifty Shades of Grey, or if you're an overachiever, the whole trilogy.
In my case I have to say the effect hasn't been that pronounced. In fact if anything it's been a positive boon... Don't be afraid to go and discuss your mental health or any concerns you have about anti-depressants with your doctor. They love a good laugh.
Tantra and anything else that purports to make us all more attractive with additional sexual prowess must be worth investigating. There are no limits to the alluring promises made by companies who sell us products or makeovers to improve our sex lives.
It has taken me a long time to come to terms with the truth that I am pro Choice and I am unashamedly so. I was always afraid to say it because of the nature of NI's deeply conservative society and how it would reflect on my character.
When Anna was three I remember getting out of the shower as she opened the bathroom door and strolled in (privacy being something I lost in 2010). She looked at me and pointed. "Wow Daddy, that looks like one of the Muppets!" It took me a minute to realise that she was comparing me to Gonzo.
In 21st century Britain female sexuality is constantly under attack with displays of sexual assertiveness still deemed slutty, laddish and uncouth. Women are constantly judged on how they carry themselves from their social behaviour to their clothing choices.
Every man has an idea of how long he should 'last' in order to satisfy his partner - from a few minutes to 20 minutes or longer in some men's minds. One study found that, on average, penetration lasted five and a half minutes.
What about artificial sexual partners who actually look and behave like humans? We will fall in love with them, like Caleb or Pygmalion.
Somewhere between childhood and my teenage years, I realised something: I wasn't straight. Eventual marriage to a man began to look less likely. Later I'd realise that my queerness was fine, great, even, but it'd take a while.
The heterosexual women that Scarcella interviewed explained that oral sex required a greater level of vulnerability and they felt more comfortable giving, rather than receiving sexual pleasure. Scarcella concluded that straight women need to have more self confidence and more body confidence.
I can hear the intakes of breath and the silent shaking of heads. I know, I know. I'm an idiot. Anyhow, I realised the blindingly obvious fact that even if you've only been with a few people, you don't know their histories, and it only takes one person, with something, to pass it on to you.
I looked at the Page 3 girls and hoped I'd look like Linda Lusardi when I was older. I blushed when various family members and friends would comment on my body - no part of it was left unscrutinised by the people that surrounded me, male and female. I'd say that started around the age of eight.
I was lying there in ecstasy, realising that existence and the formal projection of a self are distinctly separate and within the means of human control but all the time in the back of my mind I'm thinking "Does this make me French? Does this make me French?".
Most affairs are rarely just about the desire to get steamy with someone else. They are far more often about people's inability to negotiate the relationship they are in. "People usually have affairs to cope with a marriage rather than end it," says Janet Reibstein.