The truth is, I don't know what the hell to think. I don't want to drop bombs that kill innocent civilians. At the moment I can't see how more bombs upon bombs would help. But I also think sitting doing nothing is not an option either. I've spoken to Syrian constituents of mine who think the UK should take military action. I've also read accounts of Syrian children scared of the sky. For every action a perfect and equal opposite reaction. What galls me about this more than anything, is that my role in this, my vote, my shuffle through the lobby is so widely discussed and dissected in the media, by my party, by their party by people in the country and it is all still speculation. No vote has been called. No discussion has been had.
I ask a group of children what they want to be when they grow up. Half raise their hands to be teachers, the rest want to be doctors and engineers. These children are the future. Despite all the challenges, all my visits to the Middle East have been inspiring. As the Palestinian poet, Mahmoud Darwish said, "on this land, we have what makes life worth living." The world failed Aylan. Can we help Amal make her life better?
This time it's not Crimea or Ukraine but President Bashar Hafez al-Assad's Syria where Russian President Vladimir Putin has begun to establish his very own 'Caliphate' in the Middle East. And because he has 'The Bomb' nations stand by helplessly as he defiantly ignores their condemnation and doesn't even wait to see if anyone will lift a finger to stop him.
In Europe, there are attempts to remove even the humanitarian framing - identifying hundreds of thousands of people as migrants who simply want to come to take our jobs, rather than as those who are in desperate need of protection and other assistance. This is a dramatic failure of responsibility at all levels of political leadership.
There has been precious little to praise about the regime of Vladimir Putin in recent years. His actions in stoking civil war in Ukraine and annexing the Crimea region is criminal under international law, his crackdown on political opposition and dissenting voices has seen numerous state-sponsored and the oppression that can be experienced in Russia by ethnic and religious minorities, and the LGBT community, is shocking and criminally under-reported here in the west.
It comes down to this: should the UK use what little international influence it still has to encourage the resumption of international peace talks - and could David Cameron and Philip Hammond bring themselves to champion the cause of the EU as an essential part of the mix? Or would they rather ask the House of Commons to approve RAF bombing raids in Syria, even though they must know full well that a few more bombs - even if they carry "Made in Britain" markings - are unlikely to make a blind bit of difference?
Should the EU fail again in a future crisis, whether economic or humanitarian, the tide will surely turn in the 'Out' campaign's favour. Unless pro-EU campaigners swiftly make a positive case for the future of the EU, and why Britain needs to be a part of it, a 'Brexit' could be a very real prospect by 2017.