So... bread... bread knowledge... 350g of butter?! Four eggs?! A single prove?! ARE YOU CRAZY?! YOU'RE ON THE LEDGE MATE, I NEED TO TALK YOU DOWN. Oh no wait, I have no idea. But these people are just as useless! Most of their bakes were shit. 'The star baker in bread bake has always gone into the final' Really? I'd be surprised if any of them make it.
Long live the BBC. Not merely a producer of sexily shot documentaries and gripping dramas, it also serves as a handy national barometer for public emo...
All hail GBBO star, queen and general lovely lady, Nadiya. (Full name: Nadiya Hussain, but she really needs no surname a la Beyoncé.) She's adored for both her sweet cakes and sweet nature and may have just accidentally become the dream poster girl for religious and cultural tolerance in the UK. Casual.
This is a low refined sugar bar packed full of oats, a little like a flapjack, with a totally tropical taste. A great way to start the day without lots of unnecessary added refined sugar. These freeze well too, so make a batch, store away in your freezer and defrost one overnight ready for breakfast at home or on the go.
Preheat the oven to 200°C/gas mark 6. Place the pork in a large roasting tray and bake for 30 minutes, turning the pork once. In the meantime mix all the other ingredients together and set aside.
Look, I know Christmas is coming and all that, but just for a day, maybe even a few days (depends how long these last) I think we should stop and appreciate something that isn't overly spiked with cinnamon, ginger, cloves or nutmeg. I know that might seem controversial what with stir up Sunday just having passed, but hey, let's try and eat something that tastes of sunshine and summer.
I am never happy. No, I don't mean I'm a depressive. I think I was depressed for about 2 months back in 1999, but other than that have been lucky on that front. I'm just never happy with my lot. I have this constant suspicion I am missing out on things. I have to try everything once. It's a recipe for disaster. Like poor impulse control in infants.
It came as a bit of a surprise to read that Mary Berry would be cooking on stage for the very first time with her daughter Annabel Hunnings at the BBC Good Food Bakes and Cakes Show, leading to quite a bit of speculation about Mary's time in the tent and whether she might be considering retirement
How in the name of iced fingers do they not eff and jeff like a docker? I would be effing and blinding with the best of them when it all went Pete Tong or I burnt myself on a Swiss roll tin or someone left my ice cream out of the freezer!
It's semi-final time, with just three challenges standing between Richard, Chetna, Luis and Nancy, and a place in the final. However, as well as three challenges, there are also only three places available in next week's show.
Making a sweet fruit loaf may not initially seem like the hardest task in the world, but we're at the quarter-final stage of this year's Great British Bake Off, and things aren't as simple as they first seem. So, not only do our five bakers have to make their loaves with enriched dough - notoriously tricky to work with - but also have only two and a half hours in which to complete the task...
For the showstopper, or should I say, choux-stopper (totally copyrighting that pun), our brave, baking adventurers must make two dozen éclairs; twelve of one flavour and twelve of another. Kate, Luis and Chetna all decide to flavour their choux pastry, with Kate adding Greek basil to the dough that will form the base to her lemon meringue éclairs.
Do you ever think that the people behind The Great British Bake Off might be running out of episode ideas? I only ask because episode six of the 2014 incarnation has as its theme 'European cakes', which sounds very much like a 5pm-on-a-Friday idea to me. Anyway, I can't be too concerned about that because my main concern is who is going to be my new baking hero following Norman's ignominious sortie last week.
It's frantic at the end - some pies are burnt, some pies are under-done, and Norman's apparently put an entire field of lavender into his meringue, but who's going home? In fact, with Diana out of the picture, is anyone going home?
Now, a man throwing a cake in the bin and walking out of a tent may not seem particularly momentous, but in the bunting-clad, cosy world of Great British Bake Off, this is big news. To us, this is our equivalent of Eric Cantona karate kicking a racist supporter at Selhurst Park in the mid-90s.
Bread week in the Bake Off tent means an array of yawnsome "rise to the challenge" puns and half the episode spent fretting over proving draws. The third episode of season five begins with the signature challenge of a dozen identical rye rolls (not "wry rolls", as I originally thought).