The latest series of Made In Chelsea is upon us and I once again feel queasy, can someone pass the bucket? Why do we always insist on celebrating excess? It is absolutely beyond me why so many watch this glorified tripe. It is quite literally the television equivalent of manure.

Speidi, The Pratts, Spencer and Heidi, the conjoined couple. Call them what you will, but this pair are reality TV gold, and throwing them in to the Celebrity Big Brother house was sheer genius.

Geordie Shore is but the latest in a long line of televised regional case studies showing how crap the world is. As propagating cartoonish stereotypes for cynical commercial gain is worth mega bucks these days, small wonder MTV are milking their Newcastle cash cows for all they're worth by sending them to Magaluf.

He's the outlandishly-dressed photographer in E4's 'concept doc' Dirty Sexy Things, which follows a group of models as they are put through their paces for a series of artistic shots (and fight, argue and drink along the way, of course).