"How would you like to pay?" Bash in credit card details and notice that the booking fee for each ticket is £7.50. Postage is £2.50. Starting to experience rising anger. Don't get sidetracked.
It's not often that I get excited about a classical music concert. Too often they're staid and aloof. But it's all so different when James Rhodes is playing and this week sees him kicking off a packed schedule with a string of shows at Soho Theatre.
Paul Weller cuts a lithe figure in a black crew neck sweater and dove grey slacks that ride a couple of inches off the ground. His round-toed calfskin Chelsea boots gleam under the lights. A flashgun snaps at his every move as his gimlet eye rakes the clothes rack that lines the far wall of the West End showroom.
I have very few "happy" family memories. The ones I do revolve around music and road trips with us all singing along to the likes of James Taylor. So when my dad passed away in 2012, I decided to make fantasy a reality and work with the same consummate players who played on those records.
Let's start by clarifying something. EDM and dance music, as many of us know them, are two different beasts. There are parallels between them, but for the most part they are separate worlds.
In the process of producing the documentary, I revisited many of Elton John's early albums and this has been a truly joyous rediscovery. There are so many amazing tunes and the musicianship is astounding. See if you are able to hum along to my personal favourite "Eltons"...
As Kate Bush announces her first tour in 35 years, let's delve through her back catalogue and discover how the darker side of cinema influenced some of her greatest hits.
Prepare to guffaw now when I suggest what the next wave of music and culture looks set to be. Are you ready? I believe it's prog rock ... (Okay, perhaps the headline spoilt the surprise). Yes, progressive rock. The kipper tie or puffball skirt of music.
Kate Bush remains sexy in a way that few girls on today's pop catwalk might properly understand. Hers is a power that comes from within, based on self-belief, power of vocal expression, and an internal keg of passion almost mystical in its creation. With the word bandied around these days to describe anyone who looks half-decent on Instagram, Kate Bush really is a living, breathing goddess.
We woke up unsurprisingly with a pretty decent hangover. Late night wandering meant that our already flu-damaged voices were even more ragged. SXSW was really beginning to take it's toll. The upside is that we had been invited to go to the elusive Ray Ban House.
This new generation of image-obsessed males seems derived purely from previous, slightly hipper, forms of narcissism, in a churning spiral of self-adoration. These boys have been weaned on the teat of naff celebrity as a means to an end. Poor pumped-up lambs with lifetime debt.
Known for his way with hard lyrics and intricate rhymes, Ghetts has garnered attention from MOBO, Radio 1 and Kiss FM and has toured internationally with a variety of well known acts.
Something about the release of Lost In The Dream seems to make the circle complete. This record is by no means an eighties pastiche (single Red Eyes nods to, if not current Arcade Fire, then certainly The Suburbs) and very much belongs to 2014.
I'm not saying the likes of Katy Perry, Lily Allen and Beyoncé always get it right (and yes I was as disappointed by that Drunk in Love lyric as the rest of you), but is it that surprising? These women are entertainers, not trained social commentators - cut them some slack already!
The Kiss Me Once tour doesn't begin until much later this year in September, by which time fans and across the board music lovers will have had a chance to get familiar with the album. So this made her small intimate gig even more special.
Dixie (Jonny Owen), a postman from South Wales is a music fanatic and dreams of discovering the best band of all time and then one day, trawling through YouTube, he finds 'The Premature Congratulations'. This will be Dixie's dream come true.