THE BLOG

Are You A Valentine Romantic Who Needs Gifts To Prove Your Partner's Love?

14/02/2014 12:58 GMT | Updated 15/04/2014 10:59 BST

When the postman arrives do you rush to the front door to see that special envelope pop through the letter box?

Or do you expect to wake up next to your partner and be showered with gifts and a promise of a romantic dinner for two or a Valentine's weekend away because this is the only time of year your other half can officially declare their love for you?

It doesn't mean your partner doesn't love you if you don't get anything. You can shower each other with gifts, flowers, chocolates and cuddly toys for twelve months of the year and yes that includes birthdays and anniversaries!

If you are secure in your relationship and have made a commitment to each other your love, friendship, trust and confidence in your other half should be more important than one day a year when clever mass marketing of cards and double priced flowers hits the shops, adverts and media.

Valentine's Day dates back to the 5th Century, but it was Chaucer who made Valentine a romantic day and it evolved by the 18th Century when couples started exchanging gifts which weren't so extravagant.

There were many Christian Martyrs called Valentine and no one has confirmed which one it is named after!

What we do know is this day is supposed to mark our love for our partners. However, if you need one day a year to prove your love then is your relationship a solid one?

If you treat Valentine's as a bit of fun and enjoy it for what it is then that is great. Taking it to the extreme and believing your relationship depends on it could mean you need to take a look at what else is important to you with this person you love, and if it is as meaningful and as real as you believe it to be. Living in a fantasy world and waiting for confirmation of love through gifts is not the answer to happiness and your long term future.

Hand-made cards with lace, ribbons and cupids sound like a very time consuming but lovely option! Maybe we need to start making our own cards again. It is so much more meaningful and of course cheaper!

By the 19th century mass cards were produced and so here we are today in 2014 with a whole array of cards and gifts - not to forget the overpriced flowers - that have turned into a money making extravaganza and caused heart ache to many loved ones who don't get what they have been made to believe they should receive on February 14th.

I had a client who was so upset her boyfriend went to a football match instead of spending the day with her. She thought he was being selfish!

When I asked her how their relationship was in general she said they were best friends and had been together for five years. He had always bought her a small card on Valentine's Day every year and told her he loved her all year round and he didn't think it was necessary to buy or do anything else on that day.

My client was upset because her friends were being indulged with romantic candlelit evenings out and she wasn't - even though they had romantic evenings together throughout the year.

We talked about her trust in him and how they had talked about getting married and having children. I asked her if it was worth throwing away such a wonderful relationship because of one day that really wasn't the foundation of their relationship?

She said she realised how stupid she was being and she got carried away with the media hype and what other people were doing.

They are now married and give each other cards throughout the year - not just on Valentine's Day.

A friend told me her fiancé buys her flowers every weekend but refuses to pay double on Valentine's Day! They are looking forward to their wedding day later this year and my friend is already picking out the colour and type of flowers she wants. The wedding is in October. Thank goodness they didn't plan it on February 14th otherwise the flower bill would have been extortionate!

Love your partner for who they are and the love you have between you - not what you are given.

Have the confidence and belief that your husband/wife, fiancé or boyfriend/girlfriend care about you and can tell you the three little words 'I love you' every single day - with or without Valentine's Day.

Nicci Roscoe

www.nicciroscoe.com