Nick Abbot
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A broadcaster for over thirty years and a talk show host for twenty, I often find myself at odds with the prevailing sentiments of...well, everyone. I am grateful to have been given the chance to put sideways points of view, some of which make sense. I am neither left wing, nor right overall, and can hold contradictory views on the same subjects simultaneously. I like to treat others in the same way I would like to be treated myself but sometimes it's hard. Currently, I am heard on LBC 97.3 in London and online on Friday and Saturday at 10pm.

Entries by Nick Abbot

Seconds Out - Round Two

(0) Comments | Posted 3 April 2014 | (17:08)

What a couple of ding-dongs! The debates, I mean, not those taking part. LBC and the BBC allowed our two heroes to square up to each other over the course of a brace of battles. Who came out the winner?

First, let's examine our pugilists. Nick Clegg looked initially serene...

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How Not To Get Kate Bush Tickets

(0) Comments | Posted 28 March 2014 | (14:06)

7.30am. Too early, go back to sleep but set the alarm for 8.45 just in case. Need to be breakfasted and alert. This may take some time and effort.

8.30, can't sleep. Turn on the computer, get it warmed up and ready. Check on broadband connection, collect two credit cards,...

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How to Succeed in Politics in Seven Easy Lessons

(1) Comments | Posted 3 March 2014 | (12:19)

Lesson One

Be different. The newspapers recently posted a picture of the three leaders of the main parties waiting to greet some functionary. They wore the same suit, and I mean the exact same suit - midnight blue, two buttoned, notch lapelled, single breasted. Their shirts were identical Persil white;...

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God Save the Queen... From Being a Man

(0) Comments | Posted 25 February 2014 | (14:38)

When David Cameron put forward legislation to legalise same sex marriage, he can not have imagined the full implications of this new law. Or, to put it another, more Ukip-ian way: the PM made a big mistake when he rammed gay marriage down our throats.

It caused rain to fall...

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It's SO Unfair!

(0) Comments | Posted 19 February 2014 | (12:34)

The kids are revolting. And they are revolting against stereotyping by the media. That is so typical of them, what with their whining and their egotism and their thinking that they are the centre of the universe. Unless that is stereotyping, in which case I take it back (and taking...

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Moving Part 2: Top Tips For Success

(0) Comments | Posted 18 December 2013 | (09:59)

I expected to be writing this surrounded by the destroyed remains of my every possession. I thought that my removal men would have reduced all that I own to its constituent molecules. I was sure that they would have thoroughly smashed all of my things and what they didn't lose...

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Moving Part One: Prelude to the Horror

(0) Comments | Posted 28 November 2013 | (10:06)

I am moving flat. This has led to a massive upheaval, mostly in my cupboards. My cupboards contain what must be the world's largest collection of things that no-one could ever want or need. There are things in there that make a video cassette player look useful. And there's a...

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In Out, In Out, Smoking All About

(0) Comments | Posted 27 November 2013 | (18:12)

The smoking of marijuana cigarettes, doobies and jazz fags, is so rife in Brixton prison that an inspection team recently came out reeking of the stuff. For a brief moment, they thought about arresting themselves. Apparently, the inmates find it easier to get hold of the insane Mary Jane than...

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New Drugs Warning

(2) Comments | Posted 22 November 2013 | (11:23)

Incredible news: cocaine makes you stupid. That's right, you heard it here first. For years, models/actors/whatever have been on the C-Plan diet in the hope that not only will it make them skinny but also interesting and sexy as well. Turns out they were wrong on all counts.

Anyone...

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Dreaming of Not Being Average

(0) Comments | Posted 13 November 2013 | (10:51)

A survey just out states that young Britons expect to be earning a salary of £101,001 a year by the time they reach middle age. Isn't that absolutely precious? The part about them reaching middle age, I mean. They have no chance, what with their sedentary lifestyles and...

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Some Ideas Are Born Bad

(1) Comments | Posted 11 November 2013 | (10:18)

Some bad ideas are as obvious as a Nazi sign on your forehead. This Wednesday it is International Learn To Love The Swastika Day. I am not making that up. Tattoo parlours across the globe are offering a free swastika tattoo on the body part of your choice,...

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Money - There's Too Much Of It About

(1) Comments | Posted 1 November 2013 | (13:48)

Sometimes I scare myself. Who would have thought by looking at me that I am a financial genius and not just someone who comes out with any old rubbish that flits across his tiny mind? Can you imagine my surprise when I discovered that I actually know what I am...

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Best At Being Worst

(0) Comments | Posted 18 October 2013 | (13:50)

I've got good news and bad news. Good news: we're number one! Bad news: it's not good news.

New figures reveal that in all of Europe, our teenagers are the most productive, by which I mean pregnant. Maybe it is because our young folk are SO BORED and have nothing...

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Whip Crack Away

(0) Comments | Posted 11 October 2013 | (15:43)

Hot news from the Dark Ages - a man who danced naked on his car was sentenced to...have a guess...no, go on, take a wild stab in dark. What should be the punishment for a man who took all his clothes off and D.I.S.C.O.'d on his car in the naughty...

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It's That Bloomin' Man Again

(0) Comments | Posted 21 September 2013 | (15:45)

A jolly time was had by all at the Ukip Party Conference. Who even knew that they had one? They should be glad of all the publicity they can get, but in the mind of Nigel Farage, the man who commands the spotlight, any deviation of attention is unwelcome. Godfrey...

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The Balloon's Going Up

(0) Comments | Posted 17 September 2013 | (11:54)

A woman was terrified to find a fox licking the fruit flavoured moisturiser off her six year old daughter's face and, broom in hand, had to chase the animal for an hour and a half to get it out of her £1.5m terraced house in Clapham. Isn't that incredible? Not...

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The Penitent Have Taken Over The Asylum.

(2) Comments | Posted 29 August 2013 | (14:18)

Archbishop Welby, the chap that, in his work costume, looks like a luminous yellow chess piece from space, has said that the church should apologise to gay people because of the way it has treated them. I expect he won't have to speak very loudly, or go very far to...

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Thar He Blows

(1) Comments | Posted 24 August 2013 | (15:10)

There is a video going around that shows a massive military hovercraft startling Russian holidaymakers who were enjoying a brief spell of frivolity before returning to the dark clouds of their moribund existence. The craft emerges from a tsunami of sea spume to park itself on the beach like something...

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What's A Gary Worth?

(1) Comments | Posted 21 August 2013 | (13:52)

Gary Lineker thinks that criticism of his £2million salary at the BBC is the downside to working there and that he could get more elsewhere. Yes, THAT Gary Lineker, the one that sits opposite the Scottish one on a show that would not miss him if he were gone.

...
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A Little Light Coup

(1) Comments | Posted 20 August 2013 | (13:02)

The CIA has finally admitted that it orchestrated the downfall of Mohammed Mossadegh in 1953. You remember Mr Mossadegh don't you? Of course not, he appeared on the news at about the same time as the Hula Hoop materialised, which lead directly to the invention of sex, so the media's...

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