Things you thought you would never see Number One: The managers of a company actually losing money when the business they are running does badly.

This is known as the Banker's Paradox, wherein nothing that the management of a bank do, no matter how cack-handed and idiotic they are,...

That great honking face burst out of the front of this week's papers like it was shot in 3D. You could practically feel the hot stale breath of a 1970's pub emanating from the pages. Mouth agape, eyes bulging like he was being goosed by a cattle prod, Nigel Farage...

It is a year since the momentous Shareholder Spring of, er, spring last year and haven't things changed? No. They haven't.

The events of all those months ago (twelve) were precipitated by the justified outrage of "ordinary hard working people" (copyright D. Cameron) to the vast amounts of unearned money...

Fleet Street's favourite nut is back. He has a new theory on where all our money went - some nasty men stuck it in their face holes.

But it is not any old nut, this is Professor David John Nutt who has more letters after his name than you'll find...

Let's start with a multiple choice question. Isn't this exciting?

I..D.S. is:
a) a medical condition characterised by being bloated and full of hot air
b) the Work and Pensions Secretary, or
c) all of the above.

Iain Duncan Smith was riled to be "ambushed"...

The mad old lady that runs North Korea has just started World War Three. Lil' Fat Kim has been chomping on the bit ever since he was ushered into power. Bits are something of a delicacy in those parts. Only the those in the higher echelons of power may help...

The press are in a frightful tizz about their freedoms. They implore the public to come to their aid and save them from the ignominious fate of being tethered by rules and - what are they called? - standards. Yes, that's it: standards.

This is a mistake. Not their first....

What would you expect the head of a household to do if his home was falling down? You would expect him to alert his dearest to vacate the premises and take their most precious belongings with them. What would you expect the President of Cyprus to do, armed with insider...

It will be a big week for the Drear Leader. It started at the Conservative Party's spring conference. This is a chance for the PM to give a speech that the news media will put at the top of their bulletins and on the front pages of their papers, unless...

The evil imperialist American dogs cut off North Korea's internet feed this week. Or it could have been someone at Kim Jong-un's place accidentally kicked the plug out of the wall that links them to their dial-up connection. Either way, the glorious Democratic People's Republic of North Korea was without...

The thing about Milton Keynes is that it is not quite enough like Singapore. Literally no-one has thought this before. It is an entirely original sentence. You read it here first. It is, however, not my thought. It was conceived by the good burghers of that feted metropolis, specifically, business...

Be honest Vicky Pryce, how is that whole revenge thing going? Is it all you had hoped for? It was a dish served after sitting on the counter for a very long time, so it must have been cold but the thing with revenge is that you are supposed to...

The people of Eastleigh have spoken. That is, the half of those able to vote switched off Countdown and heaved themselves out of their Parker Knoll recliners to take the bus as near to the polling station as it goes and shuffled their way into the voting booth as fast...

There are some occupations you simply can not get fired from, no mater how mind meltingly bad you are at doing your job. I look to our esteemed friends in the banking racket. It helps to have friends in high places. It helps to have photographic evidence of these people...

Lord McAlpine has promised to end "trial by Twitter". He has announced an unprecedented series of libel actions against twits who used the website to link him wrongly to child abuse allegations.

It is no small task - he plans to stop people saying libellous things on the internet...

It should have been a great couple of weeks for the government. They might not have had an actual hand in the production of a set of figures that would have bolstered any other leader on earth. They may well be being blown by the forces of the global economy...

For the past four years, ever since that bus exploded in the Beijing stadium and Catweazle played a guitar while the world's most famous custodian of haircuts booted a ball who knows where, we as nation have been moaning about the Olympics. We have whined about the cost, the disruption,...

Bankers used to synonymous with boring. They used to be the most dull people on the high street, and by dull mean dependable, stolid, trustworthy. The most uptight, emotionally constipated and risk averse character in Dad's Army was a bank manager. The writers gave him that job, presumably, as a...

Now that the dust has settled and the rain has stopped, let's look at the past few days that have been such a boon to the Far Eastern makers of red, blue and white cheap plastic fluttering tat. There must have been container ships full of the stuff, advancing across...

So, London went to the polls. Or rather it didn't, because: it was a bit parky out; it might have rained; we'd run out of milk; had to get to the shops; who could be arsed; it was the same old people; oh, was it on Thursday? This ennui might,...