Nick Revell
Nick Revell is an English stand-up comedian, based in London. When he is not saving the world with jokes he enjoys tending his garden with Iggy Pop loud in the earphones, drinking expensive Scotch whisky and trying to keep his temper while watching the news.

Entries by Nick Revell

Let Them Eat Banana Confetti

(0) Comments | Posted 7 January 2014 | (14:30)

The London Fireworks at New Year were undeniably fantastic.

Sponsored by Vodafone, must have cost two or three million.

My first thought - how did Vodafone manage to afford it? I think we all know they've not been doing too well over the last few years, don't we? Otherwise...

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The Tunnel Palladium, Greenwich

(0) Comments | Posted 18 November 2013 | (14:34)

I thought I was pretty resistant to nostalgia but l then I looked at this set of pictures from The Tunnel Club in the mid-eighties and discovered I was wrong.

And surprised: it was hard not to feel at least a little pulse of dread across your guts...

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Badgers Not Joining in Properly in Campaign to Slaughter Them

(2) Comments | Posted 29 October 2013 | (17:37)

So let me get this straight; Owen Patterson, the Environment Secretary, admits he has been outwitted in the War on the badgers.

Mr Patterson, incidentally, is a Cambridge-educated human being and Cabinet Minister, while badgers are four-legged mammals, none of whom are known to have ever received any...

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The Kidnap of Putin's Bottom

(0) Comments | Posted 15 October 2013 | (17:18)

When Russia arrested the crew of the Greenpeace vessel Arctic Sunrise in September for trying to mount a demonstration on an oil rig in the Barents Sea, it's fair to say that most of the earth's population felt relief that finally one of the world's largest military powers had found...

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World War Three Possibly Postponed for a Bit

(0) Comments | Posted 10 September 2013 | (15:20)

At the time of writing it looks like a casual remark by Secretary of State John Kerry has accidentally made the third world war a little less likely.

When he replied to a journalist at a press conference in London that Damascus could avoid being bombed if they surrendered their...

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Reasons to Be Cheerful

(0) Comments | Posted 6 August 2013 | (16:26)

In case you're interested, I'll be doing a solo show at the Phoenix Festival in Central London next Sunday, 11 August.

It will be the usual stuff - a futile and presumptuous attempt to deal with the world's worst problems by throwing jokes at them. Mind you, some people think...

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Russia Put Dead Man on Trial to Avoid Looking Silly

(1) Comments | Posted 5 March 2013 | (11:55)

On Monday 4 March a man called Sergei Magnitsky will go on trial in Moscow for fraud and tax evasion. If he's found guilty, it's not clear where Mr Magnitsky will serve his sentence, because he's been dead since 2009.

Now this is what I call a courtroom drama....

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Body of Christ Found in Value-Burger

(4) Comments | Posted 13 February 2013 | (12:11)

A ready-meals scandal envelops Europe, and then the Pope resigns...

Coincidence? Think again. Horses in burgers - you think that's outrageous? I can exclusively reveal that the Pope has resigned because the body of Christ has been found in a ready meal.

How do I know? On the evening...

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Protect Your Surfaces!

(0) Comments | Posted 5 February 2013 | (09:56)

As the multi-billionaire owner of the planet-wide multi-media outlet No Pressure To Be Funny, it is my pleasure to endorse the pages of the homespun little old Huffington Post with this article.

Recently, a small strident group of no doubt well-meaning idealists have been challenging the the central tenets...

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Too Early to Tell

(0) Comments | Posted 26 August 2012 | (14:00)

In 1972 it was either Henry Kissinger or Richard Nixon who asked the Chinese Foreign Minster Chou en Lai what he thought were the main effects of the French Revolution in 1789.

And Chou en Lai said, "It's still too early to tell."

In 1943 Woody Guthrie, the...

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Movie-Going in America

(1) Comments | Posted 26 July 2012 | (14:26)

What appals me almost as much as the one-off freak tragic event of the Aurora shooting itself is the callous opportunism of liberals and "Gun Control vultures" who are already "circling the victims of Aurora" (quotations from the Rocky Mountain Gun Owners) trying to exploit the tragedy of this one-off...

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Here to Help Vlad

(0) Comments | Posted 16 July 2012 | (19:25)

President Putin last week urged Russian diplomats to improve Russia's "distorted" global image. He said the problem is not policy but presentation; Russia is not explaining itself clearly enough in the world. I think I can help improve Russia's image.

For example, some observers argue that image problems arise from...

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Pussy Riot and the Threat to God

(40) Comments | Posted 6 July 2012 | (00:00)

Don't know whether you saw this - but God appeared and spoke to someone the other day. I'm surprised it didn't get wider coverage, but that's aggressive secularism in the modern world for you. Anyway, he spoke to a member of the Russian Orthodox Church. The famously reclusive deity, dubbed...

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Am I Paranoid, Or...?

(0) Comments | Posted 28 June 2012 | (15:08)

Earlier this week Jonathan Evans, head of MI5, warned us that democracy and freedom for Arabs threatened democracy and freedom in the United Kingdom as it gave Al Qaeda more opportunity to associate and plot. Mr Evans didn't say how the civilian casualties being sustained in drone attacks in Pakistan...

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Coming Soon! Liberty Vouchers!

(1) Comments | Posted 25 June 2012 | (07:35)

Within five years a lot of police work in Britain will be done by private security firms like G4S - which used to be called Group Four Security until most of the letters were stolen from the title some years ago. (Rogue muppets from Sesame Street were suspected, but never...

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(3) Comments | Posted 31 May 2012 | (09:43)

I am so excited my brain can literally not think in a straight line why because we're all buzzed up counting down the days left to the Queen's Diamond Geezer weekend which is now literally only a few days away and I literally cannot wait so those people going Oh...

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Open Letter To Mr Cameron

(5) Comments | Posted 25 May 2012 | (15:00)

Dear Mr Cameron,

I've got half an eye on the Leveson feed while I write this piece, so it could be out of date by the time I post; but assuming you are still Prime Minister when I finish typing, I was wondering if you'd seen Chloe...

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