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Mrs Mountable Shares Her Parenting Tips

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Mrs Mountable writes:

The glorious John Humphrys whose dulcet tones certainly gets my blood pumping, to the necessary places every morning, has spoken well on Radio 4 this morning about reading to children.

He quite rightly made the point that Daddies reading to their little ones is the job best suited to Mummies. As he said children's books 'are not challenging enough' for men to be expected to read.

Now before the feminists start their shrill rantings about men versus women. I say this. "Shush your time would be far better spent getting a make over".

Girls, I assure you there is no need to make yourselves feel all worked up. If the good Lord had wanted Daddies to read to children he would have made books a bit more complicated.

My own husband Piers shouldn't be expected to return home from a hard day at the council evicting travellers, only to be forced to mumble his way through Harry Potter this or Enid Blyton that.

We girls having spent the day -making our homes as beautiful and welcoming as can be for hubby must also make it a haven from his stress and worry. Hubby carries a huge burden of responsibility and we must lessen that burden not increase it.
If you choose to have children you mustn't expect to stand red faced and whining and demanding help. It's our job girls.

I'm fairly sure that along with letting ourselves go, getting a job and the suchlike, neglecting hubby's needs accounts for the rise in the divorce rate.

I hardly expect that in the Cameron home David would welcome a hard day of Fiscal Stimulus only for Sam Cam to pack him off upstairs armed with his Skulduggery Pleasant, whilst she settles on the chaise longue, feet up, mule slippers off, flicking her way through Fifty Shades of Grey.

No she would not and I'll tell you for why.

Samantha Cameron understands the role she has embraced. Devoted wife doting mother and Britain, as a country is the better for it. I like to imagine that of an evening after the little ones are settled in their beds, Samantha and David chat about his day, as they should. Perhaps Sam massages his feet, their eyes will lock and they know exactly what they need to lift the weight of the world from his shoulders.

A quick round of UNO.

I hardly think any right-minded man would expect to bring home the bacon cook it himself and battle his right-minded feelings of emasculated resentment, as his wife reads aloud from some awful screeching feminist tome.

If I wanted to reflect on the type of liberal left wing co-parenting, which causes the fabric of Society to tremble, I have only to consider the former incumbents of No 10.

I tell you the Browns are definite NOT my role models with their leftist-isms. I see they are now supporting charities, which bring education to girls in the wider world.
Well that tells you everything there is to know about THEM.

I will now share with you the story of my friend Caroline Deplock.

She told me this in confidence but it is for the greater good as I feel we can all learn a good lesson from her misfortunes and if it raises a smile along the way, or if our young ladies can see it for the warning portent of doom it truly is, then all the better.

Caroline got a job as something or other in media, insisted on shared parenting, gained four stone in twelve years of marriage, ended up joining The Green Party and got her nose pierced.
She and Duncan are now divorced.
Duncan stoically remonstrated and many was the time that we all giggled along, as he rightly put her straight on her odd views which embarrasingly she shared in front of guests.

He was often to be seen gently reminding her in a room full of their closest friends how she had gained too much weight and how she was was neglecting herself and him. But no matter how many jokes he made or how many verses of "Who let the dogs out" he sang, the foolish woman would just burst into tears.

That sort of emotional manipulation and victimhood just makes me tired frankly.
She may claim she "simply couldn't stand his sexist crap anymore", but I think we all know who was being the real sexist there Caroline.

I'm sure you'll agree with me that that tale sends shivers down the spine.

In conclusion I'll leave you with this advice. (People say that unsolicited advice is always perceived as criticism, but one just assumes they are jealous. I'm merely sharing my wisdom of the years I have lived, understanding what really counts. If they are too stupid to see that it's hardly my fault)

Ignore this, my call for good sense, at your peril girls, lest you find yourselves sometime in the not too distant future, carrying a placard in some god forsaken march for "rights", whilst your neglected soul mate busies himself with a woman, who knows her place.

Here is my favourite tune. It reminds me of a wonderful ferry crossing Piers and I took to Calais many years ago. I sang it to him at our last wedding anniversary and his close friend and work assistant Kathleen movingly commented after I finished singing, that Piers is always telling her how much I go on.

You can follow Mrs Mountable on Twitter @MrsMountable