THE BLOG

Change Happens - Ready Or Not

18/05/2017 11:30

Change is a part of life, and it can either be good or bad, but for those with mental health issues, it can be a bit more difficult, which is something I can completely relate to.

Since the age of 6 I have struggling with mental health issues including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder and addictions, because of trauma, abuse and bullying. I know it's quite a mouthful.

Thankfully, change has been a catalyst in my recovery, but it didn't seem that way in the moment.
When I was 16, I was told I had to move home and live with extended family. I was so angry, because I was so used to living in the flat id grown up in, even though everyone else had left it, and I was lonely there. I felt so low when I moved home, because I felt like id left a life behind, and for a while, I struggled to get out of bed, and function normally. It took some time, but when I got used to it, I realised that living with other people, was a great thing, because it forced me to challenge my social anxiety, and develop more meaningful relationships.

For years I had been under the care of child and adolescent mental health services, so when I was getting close to turning 18, being told id have no support from CAMHS was quite traumatic, because I felt abandoned, since I wasn't referred to adult services. At the same time, I was taking A levels, and dealing with a relationship break up, and everything got too much. A few days after my 18th birthday I took an overdose, but I still didn't get support from adult mental health services. I just used lots of helplines until I got to university, and not being able to reply on a psychologist to talk to, was a new experience.

When I was going from college to university it was completely terrifying, and fear is an emotion I struggle with. I had many panic attacks, because I was so nervous about living independently, managing my finances, cooking my meals and being away from family. It took so long for me to adjust, because the anxiety I had been dealing with for so long, just seemed to be a huge barrier. I have always been sensitive to rejection, because I was bullied so much growing up, and becoming more distant from family and friends felt like another rejection. Over time, my confidence has grown, and I know that I'm capable of functioning to a high level, so even though I found the change harder than most, I've had to overcome more issues through the change than most, so it's actually a huge accomplishment.

Change can be completely terrifying, especially if you already struggle with mental health issues, but if you make sure you take extra care of yourself during times of change, it can be an opportunity to grow and discover your potential. The bad news - nothing lasts forever. The good news - nothing lasts forever.

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