THE BLOG

A Memo for Dad: Your Baby and Your Relationship

14/01/2016 11:15 GMT | Updated 13/01/2017 10:12 GMT

As adolescent boys (and girls) become overly preoccupied with sex and understanding everything about sex, thanks to raging hormones, in much the same way most women, whose 'biological clock' has got activated, are becoming overly preoccupied with the idea of having a baby and understanding everything about being... a mother.

Such seemingly cruel biology that comes with our genome, dictates behaviours that we may find difficult to control. And often, that's the source of additional strain to a relationship between parents where both are already overloaded with emotions and feelings ranging from pure joy to a much misunderstood state of emotional distance that can be related to lack of sleep. Be that baby or thoughts and anxieties related.

That famous lack of sleep that comes with continuous thinking about the near and distant futures, regardless of whether those thoughts are filled with glee or anxiety. And that famous lack of sleep that comes with a new baby's arrival.

And that's where you start, from understanding that often women simply can't control what they feel and what they experience, as well as the fact that they can completely and innocently ignore that you, as a dad, go through as many emotions yourself.

If you are a new parent and your other half is still breastfeeding, the emotional strain may even be harder as not all the hormonal effects of nursing are positive. Most nursing mothers would describe it as 'navigating through a dense hormonal jungle'. At times, no matter how your partner feels, her tears will simply run across her exhausted face and you'll be at a loss. Because at those moments, rarely anything works... but extra sleep and help, such as shopping or perhaps every other night looking after your baby yourself.

And during days like that you want to remember the most important thing when it comes to being a parent: that both of you want what's best for your children. And remembering what is not remembered often enough:

Happy parents tend to have happy children.

The feeling of love and connectedness, that feeling of security and inner warmth that each mother and father wants to give to their child, is not given but created by parents. And that way, a child can always rely and feel secure if the feelings it seeks are constantly there, because both parents have created it already by building an amazing relationship between themselves. Yes, that simple love and connection that you already have with your partner, is all your child needs in order to face the world. Your child senses what you project. The child may not always understand, but definitely senses and relies on the emotions and feelings its parents are going through.

In addition, the more you invest into deepening and strengthening your own relationship with the mother of your child, the more effortlessly your child will be supported into growing into an independent human being, because the ingredients of happiness all babies crave for are already there, with the baby's parents. Children rarely acquire human capacities by being told about them, they learn them through everyday experiences, and usually from their parents and the way their parents interact with each other.