How To Talk Like A Millennial

26/08/2016 14:06 | Updated 26 August 2016

Let's face it, us millennials are a lazy bunch, we don't have sex, we don't go clubbing - we barely have enough energy to get out of bed to take a selfie #iwokeuplikethis.

We don't have time to interact with those who don't speak our language - and no, nobody says LOL anymore, it's practically archaic.

Here's the lowdown on our lingo:

For the ten billionth time we do not mean babe; we may be lazy AF but we can still spell. Traditionally, this translates to 'before anyone else' i.e. this person is fundamental to your existence; the yin to your yang, the Minnie to your Mickey, the #avo to your #toast.

'Eyebrows on fleeeeeek' i.e. good, cool, dank, hip. Can be applied to clothing, accessories, facial hair et all. Think of it as the new 'fetch' circa Mean Girls.

Your housemates are going to an underground rave in Hackney but you promised your sister you'd take her kids to the playground. Your body is on the hopscotch but your mind is on the d floor knocking back tequila slammers - this condition is widely known as FOMO: the fear of missing out.

Thankfully not a new STD, but a social media phenomenon in which users upload photos from the days of yore captioned with this nifty hashtag which stands for 'throwback Thursday'. We only have time for nostalgia one day a week.

Your peeps, your homies, your buds. These are the people that pick you up when you're down, bring you paracetamol on a Saturday morning and regularly feature on your Insta feed. You have multiple WhatsApp groups, one of which is named 'Dream Team'.

Another social media phenomenon - we're super into Instagram because we're all influencers/lifestyle bloggers. 'Feels' is often preceded with a day of the week, so my skinny sugar-free soy latte is #MondayFeels and that photo of me looking pensive on a windowsill in the countryside is #SundayFeels.

A linguistic embellisher used either as an alternative to 'fleek' or to dramatise your point i.e. 'these cupcakes are legit' or 'he legit sent me an aubergine emoji'.

We use this often, not because we are not constantly strategizing our careers (we're all unemployed and homeless anyways), but because we are an ambitious bunch in every respect. While there are many uses, most commonly the term is used to describe various images on social media and is usually preceded with an indicative category, so one could describe an image of vegan pancakes as 'breakfast goals' or a YouTube video of a Siamese dancing to 'Harlem Shake' could be 'cat goals' - the possibilities (like our aspirations) are endless.

We're really into ourselves so naturally; we're really into the gym. We don't really do much there but occasionally we'll break enough of a sweat to take a #sweatyselfie. We like to track our progress on Instagram by uploading candid, well-lit body shots and we use this cheeky hashtag to engage with like-minded beefcakes. For an extra punch, we occasionally sub the 's' for 'z' i.e. gainz.