THE BLOG

I'm having a Love Affair and it was my Husband who suggested it!

01/09/2014 14:41 BST | Updated 01/11/2014 09:59 GMT

I am having an unadulterated and blissful love affair and I have my beloved husband to thank as he was the one who suggested it. In fact, he demanded it in order to save my sanity and make our marriage a better one.

So here I am conducting an unsolicited tryst whenever I get the chance. Whenever the fancy takes me and whenever I can no longer resist temptation. As soon as my husband is out the door or my children are in bed, I am at it. On the sofa, in the bath, in the bedroom. In fact, on particularly fair weather days I can be found spreadeagled and face down on the patio, loving every minute and always longing for more.

And boy does it feel good. I cannot begin to tell you how, after what feels like an eternity of looking after small humans, that indulging in what I am calling my new favourite past time has quite simply transformed my life. I have a new and invigorating spring in my step, a well-polished twinkle in my eye and a new found joie de vivre. The days do not drag on for as long. The mouse wheel of feeds, pooey nappies and CBeebies is more bearable and the days with my children regardless of tantrums are more enjoyable than ever before. Thanks to this new love affair I feel like a new woman.

I know some (maybe all) of you will be judging me right now. Questioning my reasons behind it, feeling I'm selfish at spending time seeing to my own needs when I should or could be doing something more useful like emptying the dishwasher or hanging out the washing. However, all I would say to you is do not knock it until you've tried it.

I am aware that the majority (probably all) of you will be feeling desperately sorry for my poor husband. Wondering what kind of manipulation and brain washing a wife must have to do in order for him to suggest such a thing. However, please let me put an end to any sympathy you may have by revealing that he is at it aswell and usually more often and for longer periods of time.

The burning question on your lips? Who am I having this deliciously indulgent affair with? Who is the new love of my life that I quite simply cannot keep my hands off? It's only human nature to be curious and therefore only natural for you to wonder, and I must admit I have no shame in revealing the name of my new found desire. In fact maybe if I reveal all to you, you may be less likely to judge and more inclined to also cut yourself in on the action!

So who is the master of my desires more exciting to me at the moment than an encounter with Mr Grey and a roll of gaffer tape?

SLEEP!

Pure, unadulterated, uninterrupted

SLEEP!

What else did you (smutty minded lot!) think a semi respectable wife and mother of two babies under two would be lusting after? Come to think of it what the hell else would I have the energy for?

Oh YES!

This mamma has thrown caution to the wind, said a big up yours to any guilt and is now using my babies nap time to get some sleep rather than to get my chores done. It is the only thing that is currently getting me through the night feeds, toddler play dates and stopping me from being a narky cow bag lunging for my husband's jugular if he dare say anything not quite to my liking.

Yes my house may be the only dirty thing in my life at the moment but my God it feels good!

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