THE BLOG

Ducks, Horses And Sexy Clay Bums - Just Another Week On The Internet

31/03/2017 11:26 BST | Updated 31/03/2017 11:26 BST

Trying to keep up with what's going on in the internet is like trying to chase down a steroid stuffed greyhound while wearing stilettos and thumbing through an Oxford Concise Dictionary looking for the word "Metaphor". It's not easy.

Nevertheless my job means that I have to, at the very least, try. At first I used to like every interesting page on Facebook and hope that Zuckerberg's algorithm would do everything for me, but after consuming an unhealthy amount of "Tech Insider" videos I realised that all I was finding out is that there is a chap somewhere who's made a kinetic floor. It wasn't working very well. So instead, I ditched the algorithm approach and went back to the traditional way of surfing the web. Visiting actual websites.

To do this I clicked deeper into the internet than is healthily recommended and produced a Google Doc with what I consider to be, the best websites for finding interesting stuff. Am I going to share that with you now? No. Of course I'm not, do it yourself.

Instead I've decided that whatever doesn't make it into my segment on The Modern Mann podcast (Check it out) I would put into a video and plop on Youtube. And the result, is this.

I'm feeling lucky? The button that I imagine no one presses. Do they? Do you? If you do, you're strange. Think about all the incredible sponsored ads and 86,500,000 search results you're missing out on when you search for "Lemonade". Exactly.

I decided to find out more about this intriguing little button but it turns out that sometimes, things are far less interesting than you imagine them to be. At present, if you enter nothing into the search box and click "I'm feeling lucky" you will be taken to a page with all the Google Doodles on it. BOOORRRIINNNGGG!

Instead, Google, if you're listening, why can't you make it take us to some obscure part of the internet that hasn't been discovered yet? Pages that have less traffic than Guernsey. That would be interesting and would fully embrace the sentiment "I'm feeling lucky". I mean, god knows where you might end up.

Would you fight 100 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck? It's an intriguing question that is best suited to the playground, pub chat or on Reddit. Which is exactly where is it from. However, this being 2017, the year the world decided to sit on the sofa and really let itself go, this question was asked in possibly one of the most important hearings in American Politics.

Judge Neil Gorsuch is Donald Trumps nominee to fill the one vacant seat in the Supreme Court. This is a position which if it is decided he is suitable for following this hearing, he will hold for the rest of his days. You literally give it up when you die. So you would imagine that Senator Jeff Flake (What a name) would be asking some pretty serious questions to make sure that Gorsuch was a suitable candidate, I mean, after all, he was put forward by a flipping mad man.

But no, instead he asked him a question his son had found on Reddit. Would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck. He couldn't answer the question, but as we all know, the only logical answer is, WE'RE F*CKED.

Hi Stranger. Traipse the land of the web for long enough and you will inevitably stumble across something that is worth talking about. This week for me, it was this utterly mesmerising, hilarious and superbly executed animation by Kirsten Lepore.

In it she depicts this seemingly gender neutral character with a huge ass lying front side down being all seductive like. It's weird, it's brilliant and you can watch it here.

That's it for this week on the internet, but don't worry, I'm sure i'll find some useless tripe to share with you next week!