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Paddy Duffy

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All-Time Ohio: What Kind Of Election Has It Been?

Posted: 08/11/2012 00:49

23:00pm - And so here we are, the most wonderful time of the (every four) year(s)!

23:05pm - Going through my election checklist. Laptop: streaming. Election maps: ready to be coloured in. Food and drink: Tea and cherry bakewells.

23:06pm - Scratch that, milk and cherry bakewells. I don't think I'll need to be up *all* night.

23:09pm - For the record, I'm expecting a score of Obama 332 - Romney 206. If not, I refer you to 16 seconds in.

23:15pm - Of course, the big news of the day is that Melissa Joan Hart has voted for Mitt Romney. Romney's shameless courting of the young witch vote paying off there.

23:18pm - Watching Newsnight before Dimbles' Glorious Coverage starts. Martin Amis is being awesome, while Eddie Mair has a voice so reassuring and smooth he should read the nation a story before bedtime.

23:25pm - As an aside, how terrifying are people who have their political beliefs in their Twitter biog? If this guy is any indication, pretty bloody terrifying.

23:30pm - Even though I love elections as much as I love milk and cherry bakewells, I can't but think that $1 billion could be better spent on...EVERYTHING. I may run in 2016 with nothing but a Renault Scenic, and pledge to pay for Universal healthcare with the savings.

23:38pm - ALL HAIL DIMBLEBY! No matter the outcome tonight, he is our true leader.

23:39pm - In other news, sexified country troubadours The Civil Wars has been blighted by "internal discord". So they're Democrats, then.

23:43pm - Why the BBC feel the need to explain blue and red states to politics addicts staying up beyond their bedtime is beyond me.

23:52pm - According to the New York Times Obama is winning New Hampshire. 28 votes to 14. It's not that small is it?

23:58pm - Minutes before the Virginia polls close, the BBC's Kattie Kay is telling us about the texts she's getting from senior Pennsylvania Democrats. I sense a Tumblr coming on.

0:03am - Romney takes first blood with Indiana and Kentucky, though if he didn't win those states we'd have bigger things to worry about, frogs raining from the sky.

0:07am - A Republican woman on the BBC is talking about the "open-minded swing Latino voter". Election or lonely hearts ad?

0:10am - In Virginia if you're still in line when the votes close, you can still cast your ballot. This whole system is a bit supermarket-about-to-close for my liking.

0:12am - Meanwhile, on Trump Island...

0:22am - So Mitt Romney's victory speech is roughly 1,182 words, he says...I bet it's just "Suck it, bitches" 294 times.

0:37am - Starting to feel tired now...the milk and bakewells do nothing!

0:50am - The BBC's coverage is answering one of my big questions: whatever happened to Carlton Banks?

0:59am - Clive Myrie is coming live from a bar in Cleveland. I'll be disappointed if the camera doesn't catch someone trying to put the moves on at some point tonight.

1;15am - It seems Fox News are now blaming Chris Christie being a human being for a potential Obama victory.

1:41am - Mitt Romney has 18 grandchildren. 18! It's a wonder he never said "Of course I don't pay tax, I have presents to buy for all the nippers!" during the election.

1:47 am - In Clinton's former Labour Secretary Robert Reich is being interviewed by David Dimbleby. My head is in such danger of exploding with awesomeness I might need one of those Felix Baumgartner helmets.

2:00am - 06:00am - Head of the powerful slumber lobby Morpheus makes me an offer I can't refuse. I fall asleep, in other words. But, I do wake up intermittently, meaning I get some election-infused dreams, like having all my teeth fall out and have Romney sell them off at a healthy profit margin.

7:00am - I wake up properly to the soothing morning timbre of Susanna Reid telling me Barack Obama has been re-elected. The best possible way to hear good news, that.

 

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