THE BLOG

What Kind of Week Has It Been? 20 September 2013

26/09/2013 12:10 BST | Updated 25/11/2013 10:12 GMT

The mystifying Zane Lowe interview of news

Some weeks, real life news gets a bit Chris Morris. This is one of them.

Godfrey Bloom, now formerly of the UKIP parish (the kind of parish you sense where people shake on the floor and preachers cure diabetes by staring at you) thanks to his use of the word "slut" in a public meeting, (though it was miraculous he survived Bongo Bongo Land) managed not so much a Brass Eye as a Brass Neck with Michael Crick, who took Bloom to task over diversity in UKIP literature. But at least their manifesto had some use as a mild weapon.

Elsewhere in the psychotically media-managed but desperately easily disrupted world of party conference, Ed MIlliband has vowed an energy price freeze if they get back into office, although "energy price" and "freeze" are two words you probably don't want to hear at this time of year. Despite the grand proposal, most of the attention was focused on Damian McBride, a former Labour spin doctor who has stepped off the political helter skelter, and subsequently threw up a tell-all book. Intriguingly, it was published by the well-known Tory blogger Iain Dale. And just plain oddly, Dale got embroiled in a bout of handbags with an anti-nuclear campaigner whose dog bit him on the arse.

British political parties are shadow boxing (and sort of flailing about with men with signs too, it seems) for the next election but in Germany, it's all over for another few years Angela Merkel has won her third term in a row, very nearly winning an overall majority. Their coalition partners, the Gordon Gecko-esque FDP, were not so triumphant. In fact, they were completely destroyed. That means that Merkel may have to shack up with the SPD, the Walter Matthau to her Jack Lemmon. Given the FDP's fate, they might want to take a few deep breaths.

If the SPD are expecting a whipping at the next election already, it's a shame they couldn't have gone to Trumpington in Cambridgeshire to see if they enjoyed it recreationally. Alas the opportunity for a day that was scheduled - gloriously - " to include tea, sandwiches and flogging" went up in smoke once the village trustees claimed the venue was booked under false pretences. This is Dibley-esuqe Cambridgeshire after all, the only thing that ought to be whipped is cream.

Rural English monocles would surely pop at the less salacious but infinitely more bonkers proposal of Ulster-based irritant Willie Frazer, who has moved on from his simultaneous comical hatred of the Irish tricolour and comically zealous love of the Union flag to fancy dress for court appointments. Specifically, dressing as Abu Hamza. Frazer insists it's not a gimmick, and is doing it to make a point. Which you'd think would be pretty easy to do while wearing a hook.

In other court news, Michaela McCollum and Melissa Reid, they of the insane amount of smuggled cocaine and even more insane hairbuns, have plead guilty to bringing an absolute arseload of drugs out of Peru. The judge is awaiting more detail as to why they originally claimed they were compelled to smuggle the drugs. Hopefully they don't use The Rick James Defence.