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Given The Choice Between Theresa May And Jeremy Corbyn, Dear Lord Please Just Let It Be Vince Cable

24/07/2017 12:23
Christopher Furlong via Getty Images

In a move reminiscent of when John Major told Party colleagues to back him or sack him (or crack him over the head with the House of Commons mace and leave him for dead behind the Speaker's chair), Theresa May's recent threat of the terrible consequences of failing to support her, might have helped stem the tide of Tory tyranny. But for how long?

Such an open invitation to challenge her fragile authority isn't destined to end well and she remains an easy target.

To make matters worse, the prospect of revolting Conservatives suddenly becoming any less revolting is looking increasingly remote. Indeed, as ministers and MPs join the rest of us heading off on holiday, you can already make out the sniping in Sardinia, the plotting in Portugal, the colluding and conniving in Cromer, not to mention the machinating and manoeuvring in Margate.

However, would anyone from the home side be stupid enough to want to see their team captain replaced by Jeremy Corbyn as Prime Minister? Personally, I reckon there's more chance of Jacob Rees-Mogg christening his next child, Cyril. "Nice one Jacob, Nice one Son, Nice one Jacob, let's have another one".

Is the Member of Parliament for North East Somerset aiming to have so many children - Mogg Sprogs, if you like - that when he's PM, his cabinet and closest advisors will consist entirely of his offspring? Thereby allowing him to outdo Donald Trump, who in the nepotism stakes has thus far only managed to come up with Ivanka.

The 45th President of the United States obviously also loves an unusual name when it comes to the fruit of his loins. Thanks to the aristocratic sounding Barron, he now only needs a Prince, a Princess, an Earl, a Duke, a Duchess, a Count (although there's unlikely to ever be a bigger Count in the family than himself) and a Queen.

Along with a political dynasty, he could then have America's very own Royal Family. Or better still, a handy replacement for our bunch of regal hangers on. Forget foreign dignitaries visiting Buckingham Palace, they could soon be staying at Trump Palace and be able to gamble their country's national debt on the spin of a roulette wheel.

Returning to Britain's infinitely duller elected representatives, while Corbyn remains every student's favourite politician - for how much longer is debatable having apparently deceived them over the promise of their debt - he's still an unpalatable choice for many others, even those within the Labour Party itself.

The same may not be the case with Westminster's favourite new old boy. Step forward, the Liberal Democrat's latest leader. Yes, fresh of energy, if not of face, Vince is back. And the Cable guy isn't to be underestimated, as we witnessed in 2010 when he went to war with the owner of the nation's premier satellite TV station.

Here is someone who managed to escape relatively unscathed from the coalition government in which he formerly played such a vital part. OK, as the Business Secretary, the fiasco of Royal Mail sell-off was his responsibility, resulting in the tax payer losing close to £1 billion. But he can be forgiven that. After all, if those dreaded self service machines are anything to go by, the Post Office has managed to confuse and bewilder many a pensioner. Let alone anyone else.

As luck would have it, the slap on the wrist by the voters of Twickenham in 2015 turned out to be a temporary one and come 2017 they re-elected him with an increased majority.

At 74, he has proved that age is no barrier to ambition and for this he should be applauded. No matter what profession we're in, we all deserve one last hurrah. You can't help feeling that this is his.

Cable's assertion that the reason we decided to leave the EU had much to do with people of his generation (and younger) being scared of immigration, in spite of not being affected by it, is unquestionably true. Inflating the threat of a perceived enemy is an easy way for any political movement to whip up paranoia amongst certain sectors of society. Brexit is far from the first time it has happened and it definitely won't be the last.

As economic disaster appears more likely, so unfortunately does the chance of a second referendum. Against cries of "undemocratic" and "swindle", might we conceivably be asked to vote again on an issue and subject we should never have been asked to vote on in the first place? Plainly it would be ludicrous, a complete waste of money and above all, incredibly boring, but perhaps it's necessary.

Way before then though we could have another Prime Minister. How fantastic if they were absolutely the last person we expected them to be.

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