Ever dressed completely in black because you've got the 'ump? Come join my Moody Dressers Club Ltd! I'm CEO and Treasurer but I've a few other key positions to fill, I'm sure I'll be able to fit you in.....
You'll know from my previous articles that I'm fash-bonkers. It's an illness for which there is no cream, pill or rehab available. And nor should there be. It's normally too damn fun to cure. However, I just wanted to put it out there that I also suffer from occasional Moody Dressing Syndrome.
Imagine the scene. It's Monday morning. You're late for work. You had a stinking fight with your partner the night before and the cat has taken a dump in your gym bag. What will you wear? It's got to be head to toe black.
Black makes me look pale, washed out and highlights the ring roads under my eyes. So why, when I'm feeling at my worst, do I reach for the Morticia look? I know if I rocked out my favourite red dress, a great pair of heels and gave my best handbag an airing, I'd feel tons better!
Easier said than done when you've the hump so large that London Zoo are tempted to welcome you into their Camel Rescue program. Here are my tips to drag yourself into a lighter mood!
- Black is great for slimming down hips, legs and bums. It's not great around your neck unless you're dark haired and it casts shadows in all the places you won't want it to.
- Bright colours and prints are fantastic at lifting your mood. If you're a little scared of trying anything too bold, start with a silk scarf or a bold shoe - or both!
- Red shoes will brighten up so many of your outfits. Peeping out from jeans or trousers, or giving that umpf to a plain dress or skirt. If you don't own a pair already, take yourself off to the fashion naughty step.
- Get some leopard print in your life. Shoes, scarves, tops or trousers. Always in fashion and less Bet Lynch than you think.
- A crisp white shirt is the tired girls answer to Botox.
- Put on your heels. If you can't wear them high, kitten will do. Just ditch the flats for the day!
- Wear a bright cocktail ring. They don't need to cost the earth, costume jewellery is all about fun.
- Paint your nails. Chipped talons are never going to cut it and when you look groomed, you feel better. Honest.
- Wear some lipstick or gloss. It will light up your face.
- SMILE. It's free and someone might even do it back!!
So next time you're feeling a tad under the weather, a wee bit moody, premenstrual or you want to throttle someone, try one of the above tips.
If they don't work, pop over to mine and we can sulk on the sofa together. Bagsy wearing the black cashmere tracksuit.......