Pete Cashmore
Pete Cashmore has written for Nuts, Loaded, The Guardian, The Times, The Sun, The Daily Mail, The Scotsman, Fabulous, NME, Melody Maker, Ministry, Mixmag, Muzik, Arena, The Face, Hip Hop Connection, Fat Lace, Blues And Soul, Touch, Marie Claire, Grazia, Scarlet, BBC Radio 1, Channel 4, The Lawn Tennis Association and Easyjet's in-flight magazine. He was once described as "the next Jon Ronson" and so is very much looking forward to the day that the current one retires.

Entries by Pete Cashmore

How Cara Delevingne May Have Already Saved 2014

(4) Comments | Posted 4 January 2014 | (00:00)

Older visitors to this parish may remember a 1988 hit record by Bobby McFerrin called Don't Worry, Be Happy, thankfully his only global hit. McFerrin's party trick was to construct a track using looped shards of his own vocals and then singing over the top of them, as if this...

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Will I Ever Stop Dreaming About Poo?

(3) Comments | Posted 4 December 2013 | (16:45)

Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream. It is a dream that recurs with alarming regularity, and when I reveal the nature of it, you will understand why it upsets me, although you can probably guess the nature of the dream from the headline.

In the dream, I am...

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Why Did I Say 'Nope' to You on Tinder?

(4) Comments | Posted 22 November 2013 | (16:29)

1. You were wearing a pair of amusing spectacles.

2. You were with lots of friends and I didn't want to risk you being the plain, slightly doughy one.

3. I did it by accident, I meant to like you but I forgot which way to swipe.

4. You...

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Will Someone Please Help Me Get A Momonga?

(22) Comments | Posted 22 October 2013 | (01:00)

Up until a few weeks ago, I had no idea what a momonga was. Then, someone introduced me to the delights of the momonga, and I wondered to myself how I had managed to live for long without them. Now, having been aware of their existence for about a month,...

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I Have Seen the Future of Film and It Is 'Ghost Shark'

(3) Comments | Posted 12 October 2013 | (01:00)

As a starting point for this treatise, I would like to argue that the best films, or at least the films that I consider to be the best (you may, for all I know, be one of those weirdoes who liked Cloud Atlas or Citizen Kane or other awful nonsense...

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Why I Am Spider Season's Greatest War Criminal

(21) Comments | Posted 5 October 2013 | (01:00)

I don't think this is a particularly new thing, but they have apparently invented a vacuum cleaner specifically for the humane capture of spiders. The Spider Catcher Vacuum costs about £9.95, and they allow you to catch spiders "from a safe distance" and then release them into the wild, where...

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Eleven Things That Men Find Inexplicably Attractive

(30) Comments | Posted 24 August 2013 | (01:00)

Attraction. It's an odd thing, isn't it? Some people find Harry Styles attractive, for example, when he's plainly just a bell-end with the hair of a 1970s footballer. Heck, some people find me attractive (they do!) and I look like a testicle that someone has strategically shaved and drawn a...

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I Can't Wait for Summer to End So I Can Be Sexy Again

(2) Comments | Posted 1 August 2013 | (01:00)

I am not what you would call a conventionally sexy person. Not especially good-looking, a solid five out of 10, I do not dress with flash and verve, and the only six-pack you'll find on me at any given time will be one containing a half-dozen Cadbury's Mini Rolls. Definitely...

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Ten Reasons Why It's Fun to Suffer From Depression

(26) Comments | Posted 26 July 2013 | (01:00)

Hi there! If you are like me, then you are one of the xxxx people in the UK who suffer from depression (that's not bad subbing, I'm just too lazy to look the figure up) and you have my sincerest condolences. Depression, after all, is rubbish, which is why it...

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Ten Things We Can Learn From the Gays

(122) Comments | Posted 22 July 2013 | (01:00)

After its invention in 1968, homosexuality was, for some, a strange and mysterious thing. Predominantly a nocturnal creature, these secretive and seldom-seen beasts were difficult to study scientifically, but in time, mankind learned to understand, accept and even love, in a non-anal way, the homosexual. And in the fullness of...

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Why I Love Payday Loan Companies

(29) Comments | Posted 17 July 2013 | (01:00)

It's fair to say that the UK has really taken payday loan companies to our hearts. They're just so adorable! There's Wonga (representative APR 4214%) and their dotty puppet pensioners! Or maybe Cashlady (APR an even more mouthwatering 2670%) and their empathetic former frontwoman Kerry Katona ("We all know I've...

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The Peculiar Erotic Appeal of Katie Hopkins

(60) Comments | Posted 15 July 2013 | (01:00)

In my time as a journalist, I have done some difficult things. I've flown into an active war zone dressed as Santa Claus, drove around London in a limousine while trying to handle a live turkey, and attempted to coax usable quotes out of a truculent, jet-lagged, visibly bored Chuck...

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In Praise Of The Larger Lady

(77) Comments | Posted 12 July 2013 | (01:00)

Up until 2011, I had remained blissfully unaware of the existence of the model Tara Lynn. Now, I wonder how I ever lived without her. If you are as unfamiliar with the name as I was, I should explain that in spring 2011 she became the beautiful new face and...

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My 40 Excuses for Not Being Married at 40

(37) Comments | Posted 10 July 2013 | (01:00)

I recently turned 40 and, still being not remotely married, I decided to come up with 40 possible reasons why.

1. 51 percent of the world's population is female, which means that, statistically, two percent of all men simply have to miss out. So, yes, I'm shit at maths.


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