With mere days to go until the Olympic Games kick-off, security firm G4S have announced that they will be to unable to fulfil its contract to provide thousands of staff to secure the Olympic Games. This has led to a scrabble for reinforcements to fill in the gaps for security at the Games, with first the army and now the police being asked to step in.
With the likes of wars and GBH still on-going, the army and the police already have jobs that deserve their attention, so dragging them out of where they need to be is not the best solution to the problem. There are other ways of adding security at the games that have seemingly been overlooked.
Here are a few:
* Bouncers/Doormen
Whatever you want to call them, there are so many bouncers working at student indie clubs or discothèques on a Saturday night that a few from each club could easily be spared. They already know the procedure for dealing with rowdy behaviour, the can spot if somebody is trying to sneak booze into the badminton and they may even already be employed by G4S. Tom Daley would have to make sure he brings his ID, though.
* Mafia
What happened to the days when you could call on the good old Omerta to give you some protection when you had nowhere to else to turn? Sure, they would often ask for a favour in return, but that's what friendship is about! You could have Jimmy 'Legs' Borini looking after the long jump, Pauly 'Backhand' Tucci providing security for the ping-pong and Frankie 'The Stabber' Lacuzzi keeping tabs on the fencing. Just make sure they are not dealing with anything equestrian, having access to that many horse's heads may not be the best idea.
* Wolves
Not just your average wolves, but super intelligent wolves. The kind of wolves that could do a Rubik's Cube in three goes and understood the film Inception after the first time of watching. They could prowl the vicinity of the games with the right mixture of fear and a shaggy mane that only Dog the Bounty Hunter could rival. Their howls could call in reinforcements at a moment's notice and they already have sporting heritage*. The logical option, in my opinion.
* Stormtroopers
If they are good enough for the Darth Vader and the Death Star then they are good enough for Seb Coe and the East End. Huge in number and highly disciplined, they could easily make their presence felt at the Games to give the allusion of safety. Obviously there are downsides, namely that they are easily confused, have an awful shot and were infamously defeated by the cute and resourceful (but never-the-less, easily destroyable) Ewoks. A back-up to a back-up plan at best.
* Chuck Norris
How Chuck hasn't already got the call is beyond me. One word that Chuck is on patrol and is itching to give a sucker a round-house kick to the face can mean only one thing: harmony. Chuck was actually asked by the USA to take part in the Olympics but had to decline... because he doesn't play games.
*The Wolf from Gladiators.