I often think about where I'd move to if UKIP ever got voted in. I like to have a back up plan. And to be honest, every time this government shits on the young, the disabled, the poor or immigrants I get a little closer to upping and leaving. I imagine millions of Americans must be doing the same thing right about now with the increasing possibility of a Trump presidency. If Mexico and Canada have any sense they'll be seriously considering walls of their own to cope with the influx of US citizens who just can't stand the madness any longer. So George Osbourne's latest fiscal brainfart had me looking at plane tickets again this week, and I think I might be needing some warmer clothes.
Germany would be a hot contender, I just really love Merkel, but having to learn German would of course be a barrier and I'm no where near edgy enough to thrive in Berlin. Iceland also appeals, it's like some sort of feminist utopia, has large volumes of books but low rates of crime and obviously having the northern lights above your house would be awesome. Unfortunately though their population is like 300,000, and even for this country bumpkin that's a bit quiet.
My very real dream country at the moment is in fact Canada. And that's almost entirely down to the existence of one man, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Of course it doesn't hurt that, unlike most British politicians, he's very handsome, has a full head of hair and a smile to make me blush from 4000 miles away. And if you don't squeal at that picture of him holding two baby pandas then frankly there's something wrong with you. All good reasons to stick posters of him on your wall like a lovestruck 90's teen.
But Trudeau is so much more than a pretty face. He represents a political ideal that a lot of people desperately need as they are bombarded by news of the Trump's, Farage's and Osbourne's of this world. His cabinet is young, ethnically diverse and gender balanced because, in Trudeau's words, 'it's 2015'. When David Cameron was letting displaced Syrian toddlers drown in the Mediterranean Trudeau was meeting them off planes and handing out winter coats. While Cameron sent more air strikes against IS Trudeau wants to reduce them in favour of humanitarian aid and ground forces. He's committed to solving climate change, improving relationships with indigenous communities and wants marijuana to be legalised. He's a vocal feminist, checks his privilege, plus, crucially, he can balance a baby on one hand. One hand, seriously google it.
Because here's the thing, a democratic government is supposed to be elected by and representative of its people. Our politicians speak for us on the world stage, their actions tell the world what 'Britain' is supposed to be about; and I don't like what this administration is saying. Homelessness has doubled since the Tories came to power, an estimated 90 people are month are dying from cuts to disability benefits and literally hundreds of refugees are dying because of this governments refusal to act. Given these statistics, the only motivation I can think of for their policies is that they must just hate people. And that's not a national identity I want to be a part of. You might even say I want oot. Trudeau on the other hand symbolises a new generation of politics, one that's trying to to build a better world. And yeah, maybe that's sickeningly naive but so what if I'm not ready to give up on my ideals just yet - if you can't be hopeful in your 20's when can you. So, until further notice, I'll be googling the rules of ice hockey and learning how to defend against bear attacks. All the things I assume I'll be tested on as part of the visa application to my new favourite country. 'Oh Canadaaaaaa...'