Hardcore Sexit

21/04/2017 16:38 BST | Updated 21/04/2017 16:38 BST
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I didn't mean to vote out.

Can't even remember doing it.

If I could find a way to take it back and rejoin the sexual union I was once part of I would!

I wish I could remember when it happened; the moment I was switched off and I lost all desire to do 'IT' anymore. I definitely wanted to do it the day I conceived my first child, so at least that is somewhere to start...

Since that day four years ago I have had two children (a 3 year old and a 10 month old), been diagnosed with Post Natal Depression (PND) and then dealt with everything else that life has thrown at me.

SEX really has been the last thing on my mind.

Well, it was until I realised it was a problem. Listening to others talk excitedly about all the great sex they were having and then the awkward almost constant knock backs I am serving my husband led to a never ending load of questions:

Is it me?

Is it my husband?

Is it the kids?

Am I in the wrong marriage?

Am I too tired?

Am I abnormal?

Have I just lost it?

The answer to all of those questions is NO! I can say that so confidently because even if you offered me the most romantic, passionate night of selfish pleasure with the man of my dreams I would still rather do other things - like sit and watch some good telly or have a really nice dinner; sex would be the last choice, I just have no interest.

I have sought help, I have discussed this with my GP, Health Visitor, in peer counselling and to my friends. Everyone seems to think it can be easily fixed with a few nights away and trying some 'new' things... been there, done that, still not wearing an 'I ❤ Sex' t-shirt. The only distance I have gained towards an answer is finding some like-minded mothers with PND who also feel like me but were just too scared to admit it.

A female Viagra would be good... and I know the more you have it, the more you want it. That is all well and good if you have a solid week without your kids to try and get back into the groove... but I don't have that luxury and in a world full of sex it seems totally alien and isolating to actually be admitting that I just don't know what to do from here. I know it's not just me, I know it's related to parenting and having PND... so what can I do to help?!

I care enough to write this, I care enough to admit it to groups of people who really don't care to know my vag is as dry as Gandhi's flip flop and most of all I care and worry about the damage this affliction will do to my marriage. I know it bothers my husband - so how long before he tires of trying and just goes elsewhere? I'd really like to be able to want to have sex with him again, to not dread his advances and fear pushing him away even more.

I'm sorry I have no answers... I just thought this needed saying and I hope it rings true with someone else!

Anyone else out there? Or is it just me? 😖