Writing 'Hardcore Sexit' was a long, drawn out process - the idea to write about 'it' occurred not long after the whole Brexit whirlwind. A mixture of shame, fear and embarrassment made me leave it to fester for a further nine months.
Pressing 'publish' was a whole other battle, as I prepared for one of three things:
- No one reading it. Who cares about other peoples sex lives?
- People reading it and thinking it was ridiculous!
- People reading it and attracting all sorts of weird, wonderful comments from the depths of social media.
Luckily none of these scenarios actually happened and instead I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of women (and men) who took the time to write, speak or message me in support and share their own version of similar problems.
I was not alone and people were willing to risk making themselves appear a 'frigid sex avoider' (FSA) too!
As (self imposed) leader of the 'frigid sex avoiders' I feel something needs to be done. Off I went to Google with its speedy searches to type 'Female lack of sex drive', et voila, for the first time in years I have a sexual purpose!
Just to be clear when researching 'treatments' I had two things on my mind:
Money - I am not rich, i'm adjusting back into part time work following maternity pay so I sure as hell do not have money to 'spunk up the wall'.
Time - with two kids, a job and a life (sort of) everything needs to be flexible to that.
SO... here's what I found:
FACT: A 'sex census' of 24,709 British people found that at any one time about 16% of women have a low sex drive.
The biggest contributor is age apparently... so best get my skates on before I spiral into geriatric sex avoider territory.
FACT: The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles found that 1 in 4 women who are in a relationship don't share the same level of interest in sex as their partner.
We're not alone ladies it's a common problem, it just needs a bit more exposure. This is my new little mission, I lost my dignity long ago, so seeing as I've come this far I may as well try and get some good out of it.
Here's the bit you've all been waiting for (drum roll)... the plan.
- The scientific one... I have found a clinic who specialise in dealing with sexual problems. The Havelock Clinic are running a series of webinars to tackle 'Female Sexual Desire' issues. Spread across five fortnightly sessions, it's perfect for mums as it's in the evening and you can just log in from your home computer/tablet - so no travel. Each session costs £35 so £175 total.
- The experimental one... supermarket sweeping the hell out of Ann Summers with my resident sex addict mate to ensure I don't play it safe and try some different things.
- The fun one... creating more time for each other, taking it in turns to organise "us time" - trying the alphabet dating game and self imposed phone bans on dates.
- The cringe one... trying to work desire into everyday life, sending a text or two during the day, saying what you'd like to do when you're together.
- The easy one... Lady Prelox is a plant based supplement which will enhance female pleasure. £32 for 1 month's supply and available from Amazon.
Thanks for all the support so far. FSA's can and will be cured (I hope).