I was due to go to an amazing blogging event at River Cottage HQ this week. I won a place back in May, and had been on countdown for four months, but had to cancel last minute due to childcare constraints. Being someone that lives to eat, you can only imagine how gutted I was when I realised this would be the case. Deep down though, I wonder whether I truly believed it would actually happen. It was a huge ask, staying in Devon for two whole days, and being away from my family for the first time ever.
Whilst I'm not averse to having a little bit of a sulk when things go south in the eleventh hour, I've learnt to take the disappointments on the chin. I once had a raging social life, not that you'd ever believe it if you were to see me right now, sitting in my pj's at 9pm, gearing up to go bed. This isn't even an early night, it's just normal bedtime (my only defence against being woken up multiple times every night, by a variation of my three kids, but that's a whole other story).
I'd be lying if I said that a small part of me didn't feel envious when Facebook informs me that my friends are painting the town red, but I console myself with the knowledge that I truly lived life to the max before I had my children. They're young and needy right now, and their needs trump my own desire to let my hair down. It's good to remind myself of those wild party days every now and then though, as long as the rose coloured spectacles have been removed first.
What I used to be
I used to be the life and soul of the party.
I used to be carefree.
I used to be The Renster.
I used to be everyone's best freind.
I used to be a borderline alcoholic.
I used to be a mess come Sunday night.
I used to cry myself to sleep, and hope that the pain of a tragic childhood would one day erase itself from my mind.
I used to think the life I have right now would never happen for me. That it would be impossible because I was too messed up.
I used to dream of having a family of my own one day.
I used to be out of control.
What I am now
I am wife to an amazing husband.
I am mummy to three gorgeous children.
I am stable and secure.
I am a true friend to many, but not too many.
I am the head chef of my own kitchen.
I am a writer.
I am a dreamer of big things, and a follower of those dreams.
I am tenacious and determined to succeed in life.
I am in control.
To the naked eye I am just a wife and mum, but I'm sure I don't need to tell you that I am not 'just' anything.
The grass is rarely greener on the other side of the fence. Even with the challenges I face on a daily basis, I would not swap this life with my previous one.
Even if it was a lot of fun in parts!