I Lost Three Years Of My Life To Drugs

12/09/2016 00:52
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I was 16 when I started experimenting with drugs and I used them as a form of escapism.

I became addicted to substances like cocaine, amphetamines and ketamine and took them continuously for three years.

During one binge I took a cocktail of cocaine, ketamine and ecstasy for three days straight and was terrified I was going to die.

With Fixers, the charity which gives young people a voice, I created a film to show the dangers of recreational drugs.

I was struggling with my sexuality and that fuelled my addiction.

When I was 15 I realised that I was gay. At the time, I felt robbed. I felt like I would never have a family and kids or a normal life.

Back then I was too young to understand that being gay didn't mean the end of the world. I was confused and struggled to make sense of my feelings.

When I was 16, one of my friends offered me a former legal high called M-Cat. It was an amazing feeling, I felt so happy and close to those around me and that was a feeling I wanted to recreate again and again.

It quickly became addictive and I soon found that I had to take more drugs to get that buzz.

That led me on to trying other substances, like cocaine, ecstasy and ketamine.

I started going to house parties every week. People loved the atmosphere I brought so they would give me stuff for free.

At first we were just going to parties and having laugh, but it soon stopped being experimental and I became obsessed with drugs. Sometimes I'd take them three days in a row and not even go to bed.

It started to take a real toll on my health. I lost three stone and starting having panic attacks and frequently blacking out.

One time I called an ambulance because I thought I was having a heart attack. Another time I came home and before I went to bed, I asked my sister if she would check on me every hour to make sure I was still breathing.

I kept a goodbye letter under my pillow in case I died in my sleep.

I was well and truly addicted and even though I knew in the back of mind that drugs were harmful, I couldn't stop taking them.

One day I caught my reflection in the mirror and realised I looked like a corpse. I imagined my mum identifying my body in the morgue and realised that this had to stop.

I referred myself for treatment with Druglink and I got counselling and therapy. It was really hard learning how to live without the drugs and I relapsed three times before giving them up for good.

I want to share my story to make sure that other young people are aware of the risks before they begin experimenting.

People tend to think of heroin and crack as the most dangerous drugs, but I want to show that club drugs can ruin your life too.

Working with Fixers on my campaign helped me put things to bed and get closure. I think the work the charity does is really good because you are taking negatives and trying to do something positive with them, as well as raising awareness.

I was assigned a Young Person's Coordinator (YPC) and I can't fault them at all - they talked me through everything so I didn't have to worry.

I feel my campaign has brought some understanding to people who might have just made assumptions about me, and it has helped put things into perspective for friends and family members.

It's a rewarding thing to do - putting a full stop at the end of a bad time.

For more information about Fixers visit