I used to think that I was alone is losing my sense of time and feeling like I have been living in another dimension for many years.
Over time, we lose connections and become disconnected from the friends we created at school, to the family members that have passed away, to the disruption that is caused when a loved one is ill. Even though we love them all the same, we do wish the condition would go away whether it is either a physical or mental condition.
From the outside the a mental health condition is invisible to the eye, hidden deep inside a person's brain. Nobody can see the internal battle that an individual has to face every single day. It is not a choice. It becomes the individuals normality a life with routines, patterns, rituals that have to be done to keep the anxiety at bay. It is important to note that everybody is different. These symptoms effect people in multiple different ways.
Somedays I forget being small and my childhood. The days have flown by and even collided, shattering my life into fragments of glass and I have to mend my heart, stitching it slowly back together again.
There have been many moments where I have lost the joy, love and memories that were created which happened before the trauma. Everything is so muddled in my mind. I have to stop and think back to a time, to reenergise my empty mind. I continued to do this until. I realised that I cannot change the past. I can't get my younger self back and this continued to push me off track. You can't hold on to yesterday or past mistakes and throughout life we change and grow, changing isn't a bad thing, it is process of life.
I always felt I had to make up for lost time, trying desperately to be the person I was before and re-integrating back into my old life. Once I realised that for me, this wasn't possible. Once I believed that I was worth more than this cycle of trauma, isolation and destruction to my body and mind, my life changed.
I found a purpose to my life. I started to open up about my struggles to friends. To my surprise they didn't walk away, just listened and then shared some of there own person struggles.
I found a sense of trust, hope and friendships that I thought I would never feel again. A small act of kindness or somebody just to listen to your problems over coffee . It doesn't have to be a big gesture. I have found once you open up to friends and family they too can relate to a situation and this breaks down the wall of silence which is associated with mental health.
By talking and discussing the challenges that people face with mental health problems, hopeful one day nobody will be ashamed or feel alone within their minds. After all we are all human inside.
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