Spring is a time when many people clean their homes and call it 'spring cleaning'. Maybe dust over a skirting board, organise a drawer somewhere. A bit more effort because it is spring and the light shines brighter on our filth.
But if you'd rather stick pins in your eyes than pick up a hoover (it's your flatmate's turn anyway, right?) then your wardrobe is an ideal place to start.
We can't all be Carrie Bradshaw with walk-in-closets and endless space for shoes, so here's what to bin, donate or sell on eBay - and don't worry, I'm not going to tell you to scrap anything you haven't worn in a year because that is insane.
1. Shoes that hurt.
Think of all the things you can't do when your feet are crying out to be released from their shoe prisons. Dancing, walking, standing, enjoying things, thinking about anything else but the searing pain.
Life is too short for shoes that hurt. Or shoes you can't walk in - unless you have the money for taxis everywhere and/or a personal driver.
2. Ill-fitting underwear.
See also: bras that have lost their elastic, knickers that bunch, once 'sexy' lingerie that now makes you want to die. Ain't nobody got time for that, and neither does your drawer space.
3. Skirts that ride up.
No matter how nice the skirt, constantly tugging at yourself like a child with worms is never a good look.
I know, it's terrible - that leopard print A-line number you spotted on Alexa Chung is super dope, but Alexa Chung probably wore it for five minutes then threw it away! Or something.
4. Anything that doesn't fit you right now.
If they're not things you can wear today (or after a few days sans-bread-based foods) then keep them stored somewhere else. Getting dressed in the morning will be so much easier.
5. Things you feel embarrassed to be seen in.
Sure, everyone needs a 'hair-dying top' or hideous-yet-disturbingly-comfortable loungewear - but do you really need countless pilling and discoloured t-shirts to watch Netflix in? LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE, PEOPLE.
Did you know Dita Von Teese doesn't own anything un-fabulous? Not even a shred of basic cotton.
Now, I'm not saying we all need to lie around shoveling pizza into our hungover mouths draped in vintage silk, but tidying expert Marie Kondo also has a point - do those stained sweatpants spark joy? If they make you feel rubbish, chuck 'em out.
6. 'If only' clothes.
If only it was longer, if only the sleeves were different, if only the zip didn't bulge out weirdly like an awkward penis... we all have clothes we kind of like, but never wear because they're not quite right.
Sadly, clothes - like people - don't often change to meet your expectations. Either get it tailored or get rid of it.
7. Anything with holes in.
As above, if the damage is repairable, put them in a pile ready to be fixed. If not, it's time to say goodbye.
8. The truly uncomfortable.
I once kept a sequin dress in my wardrobe for five years because it was so beautiful, even though it scratched my arms so much they bled. Don't be this person.
People often end up lying to themselves to avoid the pain of letting go. "Oh but I don't need to move my arms in this shirt because really, who needs arms". "Sure, I can't sit down in it but sitting down is for idiots anyway!!!' *Manically pulls out hair*
9. Other people's stuff.
Borrowed your friend's jumper six months ago and 'forgot' to give it back? That's some bad clothing karma.
Right your wrongs, set the clothing free - back into the universe to find its true home. Look at all the good you've done today!Suggest a correction