THE BLOG

A Very Public Apology

18/03/2014 14:48 GMT | Updated 18/05/2014 10:59 BST

When you leave a full time career and take a massive leap of faith into becoming your own boss the one thing you forget is that there is no one there to manage your time for you. That one person who used to advise the best route for your career is no longer there to assist and direct.

Working in the world of fashion is brutal. You need to be seen and heard above all the others and you need to network like crazy to get there. This I understood, what I didn't see were the consequences that went along with my ruthless pursuit of my new career.

This very public apology is also directed at the 'Someone' who used to brighten my day,

Jumping from one meeting, interview, photo-shoot for the next in a desperate attempt to stepping stone my way to a bigger, better gig... I ignored the impact this had on the people in my life, my family, friends, loved ones and the relationship I had with someone in particular.

When you look at people like the Beckhams; Victoria has a strong career in fashion, four children and a husband ... but the difference is she had the basics all in place before she got off the ground. That is the mistake I made. Believing I could have it all but as with all things in life - time is a cruel game player.

I messed up; I ignored the one thing I should have made a priority. Why? For a photo-shoot that over ran.

So sorry PRs for all the freebies, press passes and leads you give me. I'm no longer available to you as a journalist; I'm reclaiming my writing for myself. I'm deleting my Gorkana media profile and as for everyone else that I write for - you'll find my office hours are now standard and I won't work weekends. If my phone is switched off then please leave a message and I'll return your call once I resume my working hours. I shall be managing my career path more carefully now - was Anna Wintour ever a people pleaser? I doubt that very much.

I feel quite liberated now I have set these standards in place, yes there will be a knock on effect but I'm beyond caring. Feeling liberated and finding a little clarity is a wonderful feeling, but there is still a knot in my stomach that I can't undo.

My mistake has been huge and I am vowing my heart that I will never make this mistake again. It hurts too much to lose someone you thought as significant from your life.

So with this very public apology - this is my declaration to the world, I am sorry to cut ties with some of the journalism world, I'm sorry that I won't be saying yes to all of you. Times are changing. This very public apology is also directed at the 'Someone' who used to brighten my day, someone whose company would be a pleasure and someone who had my attention from the first hello, an affinity, a rapport, an affair, a link, an accord - call it what you will... it has now diminished because of my own inability to prioritise.

If losing a career, slowing down a career or changing careers completely is what it takes to get something back then so be it. That is what I will do. If it's what it takes to prove to someone that I want them in my life... It's what I'll do.