THE BLOG

Absolute Nos: What They Are And Why You Need Them

22/06/2017 14:02 BST | Updated 22/06/2017 14:02 BST

If you want to be happy then it's essential that you know yourself and what is important to you, especially when it comes to your relationships.

In my article "The power of red flags in relationships" I talked about the importance of noticing the warning signs in a relationship that someone does not have your best intentions at heart and acting on them before it's too late.

Everyone will have different red flags or warning signs based on what is important to them. A good way of identifying yours is to create an "absolute no" list.

An "absolute no" is a core issue or belief that you are not willing to compromise on, like fidelity, monogamy, religious beliefs or sense of humour. Whatever is important for you to the point that you won't tolerate it, is an absolute no for you in relationships.

Whilst it's healthy to compromise and negotiate on certain things, there will also be issues that are not worth compromising on if they go against your basic morals and emotional values. A good partner will understand these and not violate them and if for whatever reason they do, they'll make sure that they make it up to you in an appropriate way.

If you aren't sure about yours, take some time to identify them. What is a deal breaker for you ? What sort of behaviour would you not tolerate? What issues or beliefs are you not willing to compromise on.

Knowing what is an absolute no for you allows you to create a healthy frame work of your own emotional boundaries with other people. Without them, you may feel like your standards are being violated or you are putting up with thing that you shouldn't have to.

Once you are clear on your own moral code it's much easier to find people who are on the same level as you, especially with dating. Make sure that you clearly communicate what is important for you in a relationship so that your partner is aware of them.

This is why it's important to discuss your absolute nos as soon as possible with someone that you are entering a relationship, make sure that you are both on the same page with key issues.

Behavioural psychologist and dating expert Jo Hemmings, said: "Your morals matter more than people might think when it comes to finding a well-suited love match, certainly over and above shared interests in life, like enjoying the same movies, food or music. If your fundamental values don't match, then you may well be in for an uncomfortable relationship journey.  It is important to know from a potential partner that your moral compass is aligned when looking to find a soul mate."

 

When it comes to choosing your partners, be sure that you are clear on what the deal breakers are for you, the things you are open to compromise on and what you really want.