Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Sadie Brown

GET UPDATES FROM Sadie Brown
 

Bring Back the Bush!

Posted: 26/08/2013 17:56

Somehow, the topic of pubic hair styling came up with a friend the other day and I proudly declared, "I'm sick of Brazilians - I'm bringing back the bush!" to which she wholeheartedly agreed. I think the bush is poised to return, as has the power brow. Over plucked eyebrows have long been a social pariah, so all the bush needs is a collaboration with a top designer and she'll be strutting down the runway with the wind in her couture fro alongside Kate and Cara, glorious!

I don't actually like the look of a brazilian anymore, it reminds of a peach wearing a toupee, not that hot. Maybe I'm just getting older, but at 36 I am done styling my secret garden for the sake of sex - it's bush or die from now on. I doubt a guy with a loaded gun would change his mind at a crucial time and pull up his pants if he couldn't clearly see my flaps, so I'm done. It will be a nice high bikini line, fear not, I cannot stand anything untidy down there, and I think there is something very sturdy and proud about a nicely trimmed glossy bush; like a wise old owl, noble and mature, ready for all that life may throw at her.

When I think of my different styling over the years down there, it has all been pretty much for the pleasure of men. This started in my early twenties when I had a boyfriend who was obsessed with girls being totally bald, or as we now request at the salon "A Hollywood" Personally, I think it makes one's fanny look like sad walnut, but in a bid please I did it for a while. Another lover who was keen on just the smallest of landing strips informed me why "You try licking someone's head and see how you like" A valid argument you might say, and one that stayed with me. I mean, I wouldn't want to inconvenient anyone, especially if they're going down there; no one wants pubes for supper.

And of course the guys must return the favour after all these years of us ladies going through the pain of waxing, and trim up. Not a big ask considering we drip hot wax onto our bits, just a tidy and your package is perfectly presentable. Oh, and a guy with nothing down? Just wrong; like an anaemic toad in the hole, with no gravy, and guys need gravy.

So I am standing my ground on this. It's not like I'm about to unleash an afro on my next lover, just a mini 80's home perm, and we all love the 80's don't we?

More bush more power!

X

 

Follow Sadie Brown on Twitter: www.twitter.com/sadiewriter

FOLLOW UK COMEDY