Welcome to Tabloid Roundup, where we say "yes please" to double dip and "no thanks" to recession.
It's the weekend, so let's enjoy the fun stuff from the nation's more affordable range of newspapers.
Most 'traditional' front page
Well done to the Daily Mail for sticking to its tried and tested formula:
Immigration + woman gains weight = 2 million happy readers.
Best piece of marital advice
Women, afraid of losing your man? Fear not, The Sun has been kind enough to create this 'cut out and keep' guide to help you keep him.
Remember to make sure it's just in your lingerie one day a week.
The Danny Dyer award for getting your own back
The Daily Mirror takes the prize for this heart warming tale of a man who won't let something as trivial as divorce keep him down.
He's found 101 ways to defame his ex-wife. Our favourite is number 19, called simply Scarecrow.
Touché Danny. Touché.
Most foolish friendship
As featured in the Express, this award goes to the late Marius Els and his best friend Humphrey.
Is the headline a Shakespeare quote? Without checking, we're plumping for Lear.
Best emotional steer on a news story
The news is confusing at the best of times, but The Sun has kindly stepped in to help with this handy graphic to accompany its front page story.
We would have appreciated similar guidance on the item that followed.
Biggest sigh of relief
This Express story was knocked into second place...
... when The Sun came through with this clincher.
Most laissez faire approach to child safety
Well done to the Daily Express for persuading young Harrison, of Bamber Bridge, Lancashire, to pose for a photographer in his 'magic blanket'.
School 'friends' are currently drawing up plans for a double pronged bullying campaign.
Most covert offer
Thanks to the Express for reminding us of Roger Moore as 007, showing off the power of his Rolex.
Too bad that kind of power is out of reach for the ordinary man, right?
Flip forward a few pages and...holy macaroni! A covert video spy watch at a fraction of the price.
It's like they're inside our heads. Two please.
By the way
We love Peter Hill, the most adorable technophobe in town.
This week: Peter talks telephones
Ptr! Call us l8r, we luv u! ♥♥
Seen a story you love? Tweet @samjudah and @jamesclayton5. If we like it, it'll make next week's post.Suggest a correction