THE BLOG

The Banes of My Existence 2: Tissue Shovers

27/08/2013 12:27 BST | Updated 26/10/2013 10:12 BST

Pockets. As with any invention, the simplest ones are always the best. Pockets are wells of space that hang from our clothing. Why then I ask, do certain people feel compelled to keep tissues (normally used) tucked up their sleeves?

This sort of behaviour is more prevalent among older people; the same demographic who buys bags for life at the supermarket with every intention of using them as such. In the interest of fairness, there is a chance that their pockets are already full, brimming with sewing materials and werthers originals. Yet, when you come to think of it, how much room does a singular tissue require? Not much...

Now, if the mere act of stowing a tissue up one's sleeve isn't gross enough, the culprits normally make sure they have used every inch of the fabric before discarding it. Always making sure they get their money's worth. So, what we are dealing with are smuggling pensioners, carrying a wet, stodgy and snot-ridden tissue around with them ALL day. Even more worrisome is that its nye on impossible to identify tissue smugglers in everyday life. They have successfully blended into society. My advice? Trust no one.

Some may find this an endearing trait of the elderly. Some may applaud their resourcefulness and moral bound duty to economise. These sympathizers obviously don't share the same enthusiasm for hygiene. In this, the golden age of hand sanitizers and Chinese people wearing surgical masks, this is an affront to all the good work being done.

Used tissues are best placed in the bin. There, the germs can fester on fellow rubbish, a safe distance from humans. Tissues wedged up sleeves, rubbing against naked forearms doesn't fill me with any confidence. It's not as if they have tissue holsters on the underside of their Bonne Marche garments.

Items like tissues, toilet roll, tinfoil and condoms are not reusable. Use them once, and then discard. The rules are pretty simple to grasp. The problem is the old adage that you can't teach old dogs new tricks. I'm not sure about the veracity of this statement anymore. My grandpa is tech savvy and plays bridge on the Internet every night. Surely his generation could learn to start using their pockets for dirty tissues? We aren't asking for the world now are we!