THE BLOG

I Wish I Had Got Divorced Years Ago

03/08/2015 21:47 BST | Updated 03/08/2016 10:59 BST

Many unhappily married people put off divorce, as they are scared. Getting divorced is not an easy decision to make. It will have a huge impact on all areas of your life so it needs careful consideration. There are so many factors to consider such as:

- Are you making the right decision?

- How will it affect the kids?

- What lifestyle changes will it cause?

- How will you cope on your own?

I had a client recently who told me she had been thinking about leaving her husband for 12 years but she was frightened of the uncertainty and changes it would bring. So she stayed. "It's been 12 of the longest and saddest years of my life. I wish I had the courage to leave as soon as I knew it wasn't right for me. "

She left him three months ago and has felt so liberated and a huge sense of relief. She was worried she was being selfish by leaving so she stayed to keep the peace and not upset the kids or break up the family. Now the children have left home and have their own lives. So she felt it was the right time to leave.

" Of course I have had very sad days and moments when I wonder if I will ever be loved again. But at least now I have the chance to find true love and happiness."

Of course it's easier for children to adapt when they are very little, as they won't remember their parents being together as they grow up. However divorce is mainstream now and whatever age your children are they will know someone whose parents have broke up. There are some upsides as they don't have to witness any tension between parents and they get two birthdays and two Christmas dinners! Divorce doesn't have to damage kids but this will depend heavily on how both parents act.

It's interesting that the divorce rate for over 60's is increasing. Life expectancy has increased so instead of being widowed people are getting divorced.

Marriage rates are rising for the over 60's too so instead of settling for a life of being on their own, many are back in the dating game to find another partner. Internet dating has made finding a new relationship so much easier no matter what your age. There are a lot of grandparents looking for love on line too these days. And it works so why not!

One of my clients who is 68 years old wrote to tell me that after 4 months of Internet dating she has been on five dates with a lovely man who lives close to her and who also has 3 grandchildren. When she first contacted me she was terrified of dating again and had no idea where to start. All credit to her that she has been brave enough to try it and now is reaping the rewards.

I hear so often that people are too scared to leave and decide to settle for what they know. Sometimes there are good reasons to stay. However in some cases there are better reasons to leave. Of course there are no guarantees that you will find love again or that the grass will be greener. But life is what you make it. So it's up to you to create a new life that you want to live and that makes you happier.

Many clients tell me about the huge sense of relief just not being around their ex any more. They feel free and can relax now that they don't have to pretend or tolerate the things that made them unhappy. This can be worth its weight in gold.

You only live once so make it a good one!

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