September is the second largest boom time of the year for divorce after January. The stress and strain of the summer holiday when normal routines are broken and families often end up spending a lot more quality time together can take its toll. If you have a good solid foundation to your marriage then you will be able to ride the waves when they appear. However if the marriage is already shaky then summer holidays can rock it to the core.
Families with kids will have their term time routine thrown into chaos as the children are off school for 6-8 weeks at a time. Partners often have different expectations of holiday time. I often hear that mum's need a break from the children and Dad's need a break from work. So arguments arise when nobody wants to do the mundane housework or entertain the kids all day long.
These issues become added to the ever increasing stack of niggles that have been accumulating over the weeks, months and sometimes years. These frustrations add to any underlying issues and the problems become magnified.
This will put pressure on any family unit so it's important to set some guidelines and communicate about what you as a couple expect and need from the holiday time.
- Be clear about what your expectations are for any time off work you may have. If you feel you need a rest then discuss how this can work with the children off at the same time.
- Make sure you respect each other's needs as well as your own
- Be prepared to reach a compromise
- Talk calmly about any niggles as they arise. If you can nip them in the bud you have more chance of preventing arguments
- Plan in some couple time so you don't forget the romance. Often kids will dominate the holiday time so it's important to book out some alone time for the two of you
The school gates in the first few weeks of term are often where you discover who survived the summer and who the casualties have been. It can often be surprising as you never know what happens behind closed doors. The most unlikely of partners can decide to uncouple and go their separate ways.
This boom affect celebrities too as we see in the news headline recently with Arsene Wenger and Jeremy Kyle both announcing their divorces this week. They have to live out this traumatic time in the glare of the media which must make it all the most daunting and difficult.
With 1 in 4 kids seeing their parents divorced by the age of 16 it is becoming a normal part of life. Many kids will have friends in their class who have been through similar situations rather than being the exception to the rule.
The stigma around divorce is disappearing as it doesn't have to be seen as a failure. You may have had a wonderful loving relationship that just came to an end. Maybe it fizzled out or maybe one of you ended it rather suddenly or painfully. However the truth is that divorce doesn't have to a long lasting negative affect on your life. Of course there will be ups and downs and sadly there is no magic wand to take the pain away. But the reality is many people go on to be happy again and even get married again. It's not the end, in fact it can be the start of a new and exciting phase in your life.