All images, unless stated, owned by Channel 4.
WARNING: This is jam-packed with The Great British Bake Off spoilers because, well, it's all about The Great British Bake Off.
'It's shaping up to be the hottest day in the tent EVER.'
Oh really? Us October folk really feel for you. We really do.
I must say, Ch4, keep these senses-we-can-never-experience coming. First taste, now temperature, next smell and touch. Truly, excellent viewing.
All in all, this was a pretty dull week. No real news re: the judges. Except for them exposing themselves as being incredibly uncool.
With most celebrities, you don't really know what they're like as a person. Words can be misquoted, images edited etc etc.
You know, anyone who stands like this:
Is a massive tool.
Also, have to highlight this fairly private moment:
Kooky Noel bingo time - scratch off that 'pasta clock' square, one and all.
Obviously 'referencing Rage Against the Machine', 'wearing a self-designed tomato shirt' and 'partaking in gondola role play' are all close, it's just that his kookiness is off the bingo cards.
It's Italian week!
'THE FIRST EVER Italian week on Bake Off.'
They need a first time ever klaxon. We also had the first time a shot is filmed in black and white for no apparent reason.
Signature - cannoli - 'must be a beautiful golden brown', just like Paul.
Technical - pizza - 'it's one of those things that everyone thinks is easy, but actually is difficult to get right', Prue assures us. My golden rule: if there's a version of it which you can microwave in 60 seconds, it's probably not too tricky.
Showstopper - sfogliatelle - apparently started by a nun. Thank god they didn't take us through a history lesson of that one.
'The most complex pastry challenge, EVER SET on Bake Off.'
I'm seriously going to hurt someone.
How severe was this [memory... failing me...] motorbike accident? The mark is still there, Yan.
You need to head to a Holland & Barrett and drown in cell-reforming vitamins.
Sometimes you think you could give Bake Off a go, and then Yan shares nuggest of info on the scientific properties of vinegar, the Italian word for crispy, the physics behind pizza throwing, and pizza dough needing to be bouncy. Then you realise you are forever an observer.
She seems to be struggling with the stories behind her bakes, basing her sfogliatelle on memorable scones and that time her wife was made redundant. Such great times to re-live through the medium of flaky buttery goodness.
Here's another one clearly clutching at straws with the background stories. Went for a 'Just Doing Me' theme for his cannoli. AKA the 'ah crap, I have to come up with something memorable, relatable and tasty' theme.
'Yeah... camping... It always makes me think of marshmallows and chocolate'... Hmmmkay.
And the sfogliatelle? Why, of course, the pastry looks like lobster tails, so I'm going to lay them on fake ice like a morning catch. Ok... and that's relevant to you because...
Because... my granddad used to fish. I love the personal side to it.
So the filling is something fish or sea-related? Naa, maple and pecan, then rum and raisin.
And Prue bloody loved it.
I'm a bit bored of his repetitive unfunny joke thing going on... immediately followed by 'JK GUYS. JK. CALM DOWN.'
'I think I'm in the wrong business'
He says. For the second time.
'NAAA I'M JOKING.'
Was having a bit of a slow week, making mistakes and plodding a long. Then 'I've just chopped the' - what? What did you say? Chopped the end of?
Chopped the end of the? Chopped the end of your finger?
CUT TO A BUTTERFLY ON A FLOWER
And Bake Off safety is restored.
This one is always doing something wrong, but doesn't stop mid-mistake, and just keeps doing it.
'This is a disasssster... absolute disassster... this is a disassster zone.' THEN STOP DOING THINGS WHEN THEY START GOING WRONG.
Paul was a fan of his technical, 'I like the nice green basil'. Good work on growing that basil Steve. Completely different to everyone else's.
He was back to his cocky self (deservedly so), coming first in the technical and pointing out all of his wonderful layers during a round when layers are life.
Was actually wishing Kate would drop her baking tray of sfogliatelle. It was a joke, but had so much truth in there.
His incredibly sweaty back was karma.
I'd make wallpaper out of that image and re-decorate his house. I'd then cover his phone in the wallpaper. And make the image his phone's wallpaper. Basically just troll him IRL (it's fine as long as you call it trolling).
I've never known anyone to quote a school report during their adult life... this girl is neurotic to the max. And just casually icing herself during the judging.
Steven is star baker!
Yan is out!
Should it have been Kate? Yes. I see a spin-off in 'Everybody Loves Yan' though... Prue should get that title copyrighted.
There's not much more annoying in Bake Off land than an utterly bewildered baker when they weren't even gonna go.. chill your beans, Stacey.
Best of Noel and Sandi
- 'Don't think that lamination is the end of the world. I mean, I'm not laminated, and I'm having a great time.'- Noel
- 'When I was a fire juggler I lived on the edge of a volcano' Noel out-heating the judges
Two highlights of the week. Two. When these people fill out forms, they write 'comedian' as their occupation. Let's ponder over that for a moment.
Innuendos of the week
- 'I didn't squish that hard. But it just... fell to pieces' - Prue
- 'I'm not gonna toss it, because I can't injure myself' - Kate
- 'One more toss, and then I'm done' - Stacey
- 'This is going to be one massive sausage' - Steve
- 'Everyone wants bigger don't they? Let's be honest' - Kate
- 'It does taste great. But I haven't got it in yet. Let's see if I can get it in without it all spilling out.' - Stacey
The ridiculous statement more fitting of a Scorsese film
- 'I think this challenge is pure murder.'
No Prue. No it's not.
Until next time...