Any parent of teen/tween girls will know the inevitable friendship drama that young girls go through. Mostly, my daughters stay away from drama as much as they can but of course it does find them and my youngest is in the middle of such a drama. I won't bore you with the details or who said what to whom and when, but the crux of the matter is her best friend broke up with her and she is now dealing with the aftermath.
Like any parent, my first reaction was. "How dare she?" I did that mummy protective thing where I want to go in, frying pan in hand and scream from the rooftops how wonderful my daughter is, but I didn't. I let her deal with it, listened and didn't try to fix it; it is all working itself out now.
In the light of day I can say I really respect my daughter's calm approach to this and I feel for the friend who is behaving in a way that is really not that nice.
So I thought long and hard about what I would say to her if she was in front of me and the answer surprised me.
Dear ex-friend of my daughter
Firstly let me thank you for the good times and fun you and my daughter have had over the last year. She truly has had an incredible year and I know you were an important part of that.
She has told me everything and I have to say I feel you are both losing out. You must feel hurt by what you think has happened and I can see how hitting out at my daughter might make you feel better. However, here is what I want to tell you.
You are OK, you will be fine and you are better than all this drama in your life. You are an amazing, caring person and I know you don't always behave like this, but I believe you are kind. I can see you have reacted out of hurt, maybe even embarrassment, but I can tell you, the actions you have taken will not make you feel better.
In fact, the only thing that will make you feel better about yourself is you.
When I really look at what has happened I can see that you are frightened, scared even, and I can see how much of your self-esteem and thoughts of yourself are tied up in what other people think of you and being popular. Let me tell you, you don't need my daughter to react a certain way to make your feel better, you are fine, you are OK and you are wonderful just the way you are.
Please be kinder to yourself, please be kinder to others and please start to see yourself as the great person you are.
You will never make yourself feel better by making others feel worse, after all my years I know that. I can see you are acting out of hurt and I know how horrid that feels, but may I give you some advice.
When you can't control what is happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what is happening. That is where your power is. Your power isn't in making others feel powerless.
I just want you to know you are enough, you always will be.
To all ex-best-friends this is for you to. Just be kinder, please.