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An Alternative Peppa Pig Script

30/07/2015 14:44 BST | Updated 27/07/2016 10:59 BST

Narrator: It's a lovely sunny day and Peppa and George are playing in the garden.

Peppa: I'm better at jumping up and down in muddy puddles than you are. You're rubbish.

[GEORGE KICKS PEPPA, PEPPA RUNS INSIDE CRYING].

Narrator: Mummy Pig is in the kitchen, wondering what happened to her life.

Mummy Pig: What's the matter, Peppa?

Peppa: George kicked me!

Mummy Pig: Jesus wept, can you two not play nicely for five minutes?

George: NO.

Peppa: NO.

Mummy Pig: I'm calling Daddy Pig.

[MUMMY PIG DIALS DADDY PIG'S WORK. DADDY PIG ANSWERS].

Daddy Pig: Hello, Daddy Pig speaking.

Mummy Pig: Why haven't you replied to my texts, Daddy Pig? I've had just about enough of this day which has been going on FOREVER. What time will you be home?

Daddy Pig: Ahhh, I forgot to tell you... I'm working late.

Mummy Pig: Are you shitting me, Daddy Pig?

Daddy Pig: [laughs] Ho ho ho. I'm afraid not Mummy Pig. Do you need me to pick anything up on the way home?

Mummy Pig: Wine.

[MUMMY PIG HEADS BACK INTO THE GARDEN].

Mummy Pig: Peppa, George - what do you want to do until Daddy Pig comes home?

Peppa: Let's sing the Bing Bong song!

George: Bong bing boo, bing bong bing, bing bong bingly bongly boo (x2)

[MUMMY PIG POKES HER EYES OUT]

The end.

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