"I never knew and I didn't know"
Believe you me when I say this is most probably the hardest letter I've ever wrote but you'll have to hereby excuse me in advance if I am causing you any embarrassment.
I'm your Mother, I'm 32 now but I was just over 19 (& a half) years old when I had you. I was a child who had a child and I hadn't a clue what to expect because to be honest you weren't planned. Never once did I doubt the fact that I wouldn't keep you though. To say I was scared the whole pregnancy was an understatement for numerous reasons both good and bad, but here you are over a decade on. Even though you weren't the easiest baby to bring into the world I don't regret doing so.
Right now you're reading this letter from me to you, but 13 years ago right now I was in my first very painful drawn out labour and you weren't even born...yet! Today at 18:04 is your birthday and you're a teenager. I carried you just over full term. You were born on the same day as your maternal Grandfather, thus far 43 years later (the day after your paternal Grandfather) - I never did do things by halves!
It's now the sixth of January two thousand and sixteen, no longer two thousand and three! The years have flown by.
I knew you would be excited to celebrate your birthday and this came as no surprise. You've talked about it for a few weeks and I understand why. You're young, you seem to have a better social life than an adult, you want to have fun by going out and enjoying time with your friends, the way you look is the height of your importance; you have many more years ahead of you and everything that you do with your life matters. You have opportunities that lie in front of you that far surpass millions of other youngsters and if you work hard enough in your education & life then you will eternally reap the rewards. I can't wait for the day that those hopefully come to you as I'll be looking from the outside in; contently smiling as they'll be rightfully deserved.
However; I never knew and I didn't know nor realise just how hard it would be to bring up and raise the rear. The rear being you, not just any, but mine. I will greedily take the credit for bringing you up because it is I that has mainly done so. So far you have made and done me proud because of the frequent compliments I receive from people telling me that you are a pleasure to be around, you have flair, passion and an artistic license that I genuinely haven't seen in many other children. This to me makes you unique and the best part is that you are my daughter.
There aren't many who prefer to bake and sew instead of playing on the latest iPhone. You have unlimited potential so please believe me when I say that, and never let anyone put you down or tell you otherwise. Even though at times we have tiffs and a few crossed words I hope they never do that of escalating out of control.
I wait in excitement to see you unfold into a fabulous young woman and hopefully make a difference in the people's lives you cross paths with because there's no way you were just born to just exist and not live. Take nothing for granted as nothing in life comes with a guarantee.
I would like to see you be everything that I'm certainly not and so far you are even though you have lived less than half of the life that I have.
If one day you are even half the mother (but please try not to make me a Grandma in the next ten years - ask me why later today if you desire to) of the young lass that you are now then you'll have done me even more proud than I already am of you and my job will have been done. I love you more than life itself even though I am not the best in showing my feelings; believe you me when I say I would never hesitate in taking a bullet for you and NOBODY will ever love you more. There's not a lot that I wouldn't do for you.
Just be you and never try to be a people pleaser, folks will like and love you for who you are and if they can't accept that then you don't need them in your life. Laugh, be kind and don't ever let boys break your heart. Most importantly bask in what makes you happy and build your worth on experiences and not possessions. Never forget that you can talk to me.
With love from your Mum XXX
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