The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Sheila Hageman Headshot

I'm Not Sexy and I Know It!

Posted: Updated:

While waxing poetic, er, I mean blogging, about wanting to take time to dress better; i.e. sexier and less mommy-ish, I realized a flaw in my usual, oh, so clear mommy thinking. How, why, and when did I begin equating "me" time with making myself look sexy?

As a writer, teacher, and mother to three small children, I'm definitely not overflowing with extra time. The last time I plucked my eyebrows it was hot out; my leg hair could probably be braided about now; don't even get me started on the last time I exfoliated (do mums really do that?).

But lately I've been working like a crazy person with one book out a month ago and my memoir, Stripping Down, due out on Valentine's Day. I'm working on press releases, marketing plans, and selling strategies.

Even my husband's been after me to take some time for myself, which is quite lovely of him and a fabulous-sounding idea. He means I should take time to do things that make me feel good about myself; i.e. go to the movies, attend a yoga class, read a pile of books, or just plain chill out.

But when I hear my honey mention taking time out for me, my mind immediately goes to ways to improve how I look. Like, oh! I have an extra hour today, I should go get a manicure and pedicure, or I should catch up on all that aforementioned body hair trimming. I should evaluate my wardrobe and figure out what makes me look halfway not like a mum.

I suppose mothers are equated with everything not sexy - diapers, baby talk, and exhaustion -and so as mothers we begin equating who we are with, well, not being sexy. (Even though we must have at one point been at least mildly sexy to have gotten into the whole motherhood predicament to begin with.)

So then when we have a break from Mummy duties, one of the first things we think of is, how can I get my sexy back?

It's not a great leap to make and there's nothing wrong with wanting to ditch the mom jeans and doll oneself up a bit, but then again, is it really the best use of our non-mom time? Are we being so bombarded with celebrity mom stories of how quickly they can get back into their size 00 jeans that that's what we become obsessed with?

Maybe it's time to start a new movement. Not no more mum jeans, which by the way may be becoming sexy anyway, check out Miley Cyrus rocking a pair this weekend, but look at me! I'm wearing mum jeans and I'm proud!

I'm waking three times a night to nurse a baby, trying to diffuse a three-year-old's unexplainable temper tantrums, and playing chauffeur to a seven-year-old's chess club and band practice commitments.

I'm tired and that's all there is to it. I have no time or energy to be sexy. And you know what? I don't care. Yes, I may have been conventionally sexy back in the day, but right now I'm going to rock these sweatpants and t-shirt and be makeup-free and push my hair behind my ears.

And you know what the craziest part of it is? The empowerment of not trying to be sexy, of not following the womanly conventions of beauty, actually make me feel sexy and beautiful just the way I am.

That's it. I can be a mom and be sexy by not being sexy.

There's a great tagline for motherhood--making non-sexy the new sexy!

Won't you join me? Let's accept who we are at the moment--leaking breasts, diaper bags, and non-matching purses and shoes--and not worry about recapturing those old "sexy" selves who may not have been that sexy to begin with.