I am sorry. I am sorry that for nearly 26 years I have mistreated you. I am sorry I have not given you enough praise for what you can do, and what we have achieved together.
I am sorry for all the times I have called you ugly, fat and disgusting. I am sorry for all the times I have sat on the floor of my room, crying because I felt that if you were only lighter, that only if you took up less space in the world we would be better and more liked.
I am sorry for the times when I have starved you, and left you hungry, just so I could try and find perfection.
I am sorry for putting you through so much at such a young age. At 13 I shouldn't of thought of my body as anything more than flesh and bones but instead I was sitting on the bathroom floor; grabbing every bit of skin that was touching the cold floor, wishing it all away.
I begged for you to be lighter so we could be beautiful. I thought I'd be filled with a sense of purpose but instead all I did was fill you with a doubt. A doubt that was interlaced into my bones for what felt like an eternity.
I should've loved you all along, spreading love in your veins instead of hatred and fear. You have never been told how beautiful and wonderful you are, and I am sorry for that.
I want to tell you I am trying. I am trying to undo all the years of hatred and disgust when I have looked in the mirror. I am trying to love you the way you should be loved and undo all the years of being told that unless you are as light as a feather you are not worthy.
You are worthy. Stretch marks, loose skin and all.
Dear body; do you forgive me? Can you look past all the years of punishment and start again?
I want to thank you for making me who I am; chubby thighs, wobbly bum and all. For growing and giving me these tiger stripes. We earned them together and I don't regret a single one. We have been through so much and you have kept me strong and loved me enough to keep me alive, breathing. I want to thank you for that.
I want to thank you for every breath you have allowed me to take, every magical moment I have been able to live and witness; all because of you.
This is a love letter to my body; from here on out I got you.
Sian Ryan currently runs a fitness & lifestyle blog at Sian Lifts Weights. After losing 85lbs she aims to inspire and help others to achieve their goals. She shares her behind the scenes at the gym on instagram too!