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Reasons I Want To Live In Peppa Pig's Town

09/07/2015 16:19 BST | Updated 08/07/2016 10:59 BST

It dawned on me, quite early into my Peppa Pig watching days (I'm heading into my fourth year now), that everything is really quite lovely in the small town where Peppa and her family live. Let's forget for now that I actually don't really like Peppa all that much (she's quite self-centred, frankly very annoying and have you seen how mean she is to George??) . Let's also forget that George Pig cries A LOT (actually he's quite annoying too).

Anyway.

Aside from these things it's quite a happy sort of life isn't it?

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No one is poor

Everyone has a house and is seemingly pretty comfortable. There are no tramps in Peppa world or anyone on the breadline. Admittedly Miss Rabbit is holding down a lot of jobs and I sense Mr Zebra isn't too flush, but all in all everyone seems pretty stable. Isn't that nice?

It is sunny about 90% of the time

It rains of course, but only for split seconds and the sun immediately comes out again. I love a cold day, don't get me wrong, but my aversion to the heat only really comes from being too hot and bothered. However in Peppa's world, it never seems too too hot (aside from that one very hot day episode).

There is no crime

Mr Wolf occasionally threatens to eat Daddy Pig and Mr Fox seems a bit too interested in Grandpa Pig's chickens, but aside from that there is no crime.

There are no burglaries, murders, rapes, fraud - anything.

Actually there aren't even any policeman or women are there?!

Are there??? Now I'll have to watch all the episodes again to check...

Everyone has work/life balance

Of the mothers who do work in Peppa Pig, it seems to be on a part-time or work at home basis and they all seem guilt- free and happy.

All the fathers are home for 5.30pm too.

How quaint and idyllic.

No one gets drunk and makes a tit of themselves

I have seen Mummy Pig have an occasional glass of wine on special occasions, but other than that no one really drinks.

There is certainly no "The Morning after the Night Before" episodes with Mummy Pig trying to parent with a raging hangover or having to head to Mrs Sheep's house to apologise for being a dick when she was drunk.

Clearly alcohol abstinence is crucial here..actually hang on that's not a good thing??

Everyone can immediately get a doctor's appointment/dentist appointment etc

If Peppa gets a rash, the doctor immediately makes a home visit. When Pedro Pony breaks his leg he is immediately hospitalised.

None of this faffing with rude receptionists and the elderly taking all the appointments.

The children all sleep really well

Peppa and George go to bed early and sleep all night, there's been a couple of late nights, but on the whole they sleep and the parents sleep and everyone sleeps.

Hell, Pedro OVERSLEEPS.

What a dream.

Spiders aren't scary

I am not a fan of spiders at all.

But in Peppa they giggle and smile and don't act remotely menacing. I want smiling spiders!

No one shouts

Occasionally Mummy Pig gives Peppa a mild talking to (she needs a few more in my opinion) but no one ever shouts do they?

And Mummy Pig certainly doesn't have a shouty mum voice.

Mummy and Daddy Pig never fight and scream at each other either....probably because he's always home on the dot after work.

And she's not drinking gin in a tin before he gets home....

There is no death

We can assume that Daddy Pig's parents are dead due to them never being mentioned or seen (or perhaps there is some deep family feud that is never to be brought to light). Aside from that untold story though, most people seem in pretty fine fettle and in the absence of any accidents, chronic illnesses or murders everyone seems like they will live forever.

How nice.

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So who's ready to move with me?

For more like this, visit Sian's blog over at http://pottymouthedmummy.com or Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/pottymouthedmummy