And so begins Valentine's Day, the world's most-hated commercialised holiday. Does it serve any other purpose in life other than to make you feel terrible about being single/being poor/your relationship/letting your partner down? No.
If you're about to suffer through another Hallmark-created holiday with someone you cannot stand anymore, don't do the right thing and call it a day, or try to make more of an effort, just take yourself on holiday, and cheat! That way you get the security of a relationship, but all the fun of being single! Here's our ultimate guide to the best destinations around the world to cheat in.
It would almost be a crime to visit the land of Hugh Jackman and Elle McPherson and stay faithful, right? Everyone knows it's not cheating if you're in different hemispheres anyway. It's not as if pictures on Facebook can be seen around the world...
Love Rat Rating: 5/5: you've travelled to the other side of the world, probably paid out just under a grand, all so you can attempt to cheat without getting caught. You're now dirt-poor, and the ultimate prat. Well done.
So you've watched PS I Love You one too many times, and concluded that nothing your boyfriend/fiancé/husband could ever do will be as funny/cute/adorable/perfect as your own Irish man. Sound familiar?
Well you're not alone. Thousands of women flock to the land of the leprechaun to find their knight in shining armour, yet only find jockeys measuring up to 5', and on a stricter diet than the post-Christmas one. But if the Irish accent more than makes up for the height difference, and you can cope with questionable alcohol habits and the racing schedule, then hop on the ferry over to Dublin.
Love Rat Rating: 4/5: if you're willing to overlook most of the personality quirks of Irish men, and still choose them over your current partner, then you're more desperate than most.
As documented in a popular TV show, Chelsea girls love a cheater. Don your best tux, order some new business cards (because you must work in the City), and be prepared to pay out at least £500 on a bottle of Bolly. They'll be more than happy to play a part in ruining your relationship: anything for a bit of drama dahling.
Love Rat Rating: 2/5: absolutely no imagination involved with this. Minimal effort: you only need to find a suit and figure out what a banker actually does. Easy, yes, but even more lies to keep on top of. Plus, there's no drama unless girlfriend/wife finds out... Good luck.
The failsafe option for the classiest (read: 'most desperate') of cheaters. And obviously, if you're the only one in a relationship in your group, you HAVE to cheat. It's the rules, didn't you know? You'll lose ALL YOUR LAD POINTS if you show the slightest respect for your girlfriend, so quick, line up the sambucas, and prepare your "but babe, I just had so much to drink, and you know I wouldn't do it sober, and babe I just love you so much" speech.
Love Rat Rating: 1/5: you really are the worst kind of human being.
5. The Maldives
If no one finds your secret stash of bank accounts, you'll be pretty safe in the middle of nowhere.
Love Rat Rating: 4/5: again, well done for the forward thinking and potential hiding, your other half isn't likely to wander in on you here, but you may wish you saved the money and the effort of lying for something slightly more worthwhile.
Ah Paris: the official city of romance. Where better to establish yourself as a cheat: it's basically the equivalent of taking a Kindle with you to visit William Shakespeare's birthplace. Maybe you're just being super hip and ironic though - it's not cheating when you're working to destroy the stereotypes that have been placed upon our culture and history for centuries: all in the name of social justice and removing the stigma of romance from Paris.
Love Rat Rating: 2/5: low points for originality, and even lower points for being a pompous cliché who thinks Paris is romantic in the first place.
Hats off to whoever can resist millionaire polo-players strutting around with their shirts off. Ponies and topless men: guaranteed to wear down the willpower of even the strongest women.
Love Rat Rating: 5/5: an amazing country, and well, accidents happen.
8. New York
Home to some of the best love stories ever: Ross and Rachel, Holly Golightly and Paul Varjak, Carrie and Big, Harry and Sally. It's only natural to want to begin your affair in a city with as much as history as New York - everyone's seen the Empire State Building scene in An Affair to Remember. Sadly, films don't ring true in the real world, and you're much more likely going to channel Carrie Bradshaw and screw over your kind, considerate boyfriend/fiancé/husband for a complete and utter idiot who leaves you at the altar.
Guess you could always try the "we were on a break" thing if it backfires.
Love Rat Rating: 3/5: pretty standard, it's not hard to cheat in a city. Although don't expect your sorry story to finish up like the films you've seen.
With full moon parties quickly becoming the new Ibizia for middle class offspring, all pumped full of alcohol and drugs, you're likely to make a couple of pretty bad mistakes. When you're in a place that's so far removed from everything you've ever grown accustomed to, it's quite easy to forget that your real life does exist.
Love Rat Rating: 3/5: there are much better things to be doing in this country than schlepping around looking for a partner in crime.
10. 20 minutes down the road
To be honest, if you're gonna cheat, you're gonna cheat.
Love Rat Rating: ZERO OUT OF FIVE you pathetic loser. At least break yourself financially with an extravagant holiday if you're going to break someone's heart.
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