Soila Sindiyo
Soila is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

She also holds a certification from the National Institute of Trauma and Loss in Children Michigan in Structured Sensory Interventions for Traumatized Children, Adolescents and Parents (SITCAP), has had training in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for Children and Adolescents as well as Eye Movement Desentization and Reprocessing (EMDR part I, II and III).

She is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

Soila has worked with children and families for over 10 years mainly in the area of loss and trauma (

She is the founder of and the author of "When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation."

Entries by Soila Sindiyo

It May Come as a Big Surprise to Discover That You Are a Better Parent Post-Divorce

(1) Comments | Posted 1 October 2015 | (12:29)

Being in a toxic marriage sucks the energy right out of you - so there is less available for the children. Youngsters are smart, so may act up to get your limited attention when you are still wed.

After my divorce was finalized, I truly could then focus on my...

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Let's Stop the Blame Game - the Argument for No-Fault Divorce

(1) Comments | Posted 15 September 2015 | (11:57)

'Nobody likes a snitch' is how the playground saying goes.

Yet 'snitching' is what you must do in the UK in order to get divorced, without having to prove that you and your spouse have been living separate lives for a minimum of two years (or five if your spouse...

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Children of Divorce Becoming Caregivers

(0) Comments | Posted 25 June 2015 | (07:44)

I often say that it's ok for your children to see you upset, distressed and crying when going through divorce and separation.

It is important for them to know that you too are hurting because by knowing this and by showing your emotions, you are inadvertently giving them permission to...

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Divorce and Helping Children Cope - Six Essential Steps

(0) Comments | Posted 24 March 2015 | (10:41)

Divorce - what has happened is important, but what is even more crucial is how it's handled.

The divorce process is already physically, emotionally and mentally challenging making it extremely hard to play the good, attentive and caring parent as much you would like to.

You will make mistakes no...

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Divorced Fathers and Their Children

(0) Comments | Posted 4 February 2015 | (18:50)

What do fathers bring to the table?

I write this post a bit annoyed following an experience this week, where a certain person was denying the father of her daughter any type of contact because she felt that she, the daughter aged 5, needed time to get used to the...

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Is Divorce a Career Killer for Mums?

(0) Comments | Posted 2 February 2015 | (11:52)

Well, you've heard it said once and many times over - divorce is like a death.

So many losses are involved including the future you had once dreamed off. You life's direction takes a turn that you didn't plan for and you really don't know what lies ahead.

You get...

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Children of Divorce - When to Be Concerned

(0) Comments | Posted 13 January 2015 | (09:47)

Divorce will be a watershed moment in your child's life no matter how amicable it is.

I often say, that the divorce is in itself important, but what is even more important is how it's handled as this can end up being the primary trauma.

During this time you...

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When Divorce Happens

(0) Comments | Posted 8 January 2015 | (14:07)

If you're one of the many couples who have spoken about divorce or who are actually in the process of filing for divorce, the one thing I can tell you right now is that you will be all right. It may not seem like it but you will.

Having been...

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Children of Divorce - Making Sure They're Alright

(0) Comments | Posted 26 September 2014 | (08:03)

Divorce needn't be hell for all parties concerned.

There are ways of coping without destroying one another and hurting your children in the process.

One of the most important bits of advice that I was given when going through my divorces was not to go it alone. It's not...

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The Stigma of Divorce

(0) Comments | Posted 18 September 2014 | (07:39)

I smile as I write this as past words and comments by well-meaning friends, colleagues and acquaintances flash around in my head.

The story goes way back, when I went through my first divorce. I was only 27/28 having married at 21 and people would wonder out loud, what would...

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Divorce, Perception and Reality

(0) Comments | Posted 16 September 2014 | (12:39)

As Dr Phil once put it, "There's no reality, only perception" something that has been shown to be true in some many eye witness experiments.

When Princess Diana was going through her divorce and her settlement was made public (I believe it was in the millions of pounds) there was...

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Why Deny Him Parental Responsibility?

(0) Comments | Posted 29 July 2014 | (19:07)

It's holiday time and for the first time in a long time I had the house to myself.

So this morning I decided to get my breakfast and sit down and watch some telly. Jeremy Kyle was on. Super!

By the time I switched over to another channel, my...

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The Price Children Pay for Watching Their Parents Fight

(0) Comments | Posted 13 March 2014 | (18:30)

Arguing or disagreeing with your partner is not unusual, it's a normal part of life. It happens and will continue to happen as long as you're together.

Your children will see this happen but they will also see you make up and continue with your life and love as...

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Dating While Under the Influence of Divorce

(1) Comments | Posted 20 December 2013 | (04:54)

You see, I have been on several dates with a wonderful man whom we shall call Tom (not his real name but close enough).

These past few weeks went as well as can be considering that my dear Tom is still living in the shadow of divorce.

Tom had been...

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Divorce and the Lies We Tell Our Children

(5) Comments | Posted 29 October 2013 | (23:00)

Recently, a friend of mine received an email from his 14-year-old daughter asking if she could go live with him and his family. She explained that it was her mum's suggestion as she had lost her job and home and was finding it difficult to look after her.


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Divorcing? Need a Parenting Plan?

(7) Comments | Posted 9 October 2013 | (00:00)

Agreeing on a parenting plan can be tricky. Not only does it involve and affect several people but you and your ex-partner are expected to reach an amicable agreement at a time when emotions are running high and conflict is constantly present.

It's not always easy but

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Co-Parenting - Are You the Toxic Parent?

(2) Comments | Posted 5 August 2013 | (00:00)

Ok, most of us know how difficult and hurtful divorce can be but when coupled with having to come up with a shared parenting plan, this then pushes the whole experience to the next level.

Once the whole process is over and each parent is living in their own home,...

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Children and Parental Conflict - Nine Changes to Watch Out For in Your Children

(1) Comments | Posted 16 July 2013 | (00:00)

Conflict is a normal part of family life. What matters is how parents handle it and deal with it.

If your children are witnessing and living with continuous parental conflict, then there is a pretty good chance that this situation might be affecting them in various ways. This applies both...

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Divorce - How to Tell the Children

(6) Comments | Posted 19 June 2013 | (00:00)

Depending on the age of the child, this moment might be something that they will always remember - the time you told them that you, mummy and daddy, were going to live separately. It is therefore critical that the news is conveyed with caution.

Here is what you will need...

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"Lives are Full of Accidents Mama."

(0) Comments | Posted 3 June 2013 | (11:33)

Recently, on our way home, a car veered onto our lane hitting us and sending us crashing into a nearby ditch. I was driving and my mum and 8 year old daughter were my passengers.

The other driver was drunk. He admitted liability on the spot, apologised several times over...

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